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Describe some of the problems over-reliance on cars can cause and suggest a possible solution. v.1

Describe some of the problems over-reliance on cars can cause and suggest a possible solution. v. 1
There is no doubt that over-reliance on cars causes many issues. There are many people who believe that excessive dependence on cars affects the health. In this essay, I will discuss some of the problems associated with over-reliance on cars, and also suggest some solutions for this problem. Over-reliance on cars increases the air pollution. This is because they emit harmful gases into atmosphere. For Example, There are many sports car, which emit a very high quantity of greenhouse gases like carbon monoxide into the air. On inhaling these poisonous gases, Health of living organisms may get affected. Because of these gases, Ozone layer may also get affected. As a result, Ultraviolet rays from the sun would reach the earth directly, Which may lead to global warming. To avoid this, Government and the people should take some measures. One of the solution for this problem is to reduce the usage of cars. For Example, Rather than going by cars, People may utilise Bicycles for Short distance journeys. On doing this, We can solve this problem to an extent. Another solution is Rather than using the private cars, If Individuals utilise the public transportation, we can achieve our goal in a long run. In Conclusion, Although people face a variety of problems, such as air pollution, these problems are not insurmountable. In my view, It is the government's responsibility to tackle these issues, and they should bring awareness in public about the issue. As far as I am concerned, government and individuals, together can bring a solution to this problem.
There is no doubt that over-reliance on
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cars
causes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
issues. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who believe that excessive dependence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
affects the health. In this essay, I will discuss
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
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problems
associated with over-reliance on
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cars
, and
also
suggest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
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solutions
for this problem.

Over-reliance on
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cars
increases the air pollution. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they emit harmful
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gases
into atmosphere.
For Example
, There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
, which emit a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high quantity of greenhouse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gases
like carbon monoxide into the air. On inhaling these poisonous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gases
, Health of living organisms may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of these
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gases
, Ozone layer may
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
.
As a result
, Ultraviolet rays from the sun would reach the earth
directly
, Which may lead to global warming.

To avoid this,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
measures. One of the
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solution
for this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the usage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
.
For Example
,
Rather
than going by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
may
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
Bicycles for Short distance journeys. On doing this, We can solve this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
to an extent. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
is
Rather
than using the private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
, If Individuals
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
the public transportation, we can achieve our goal in a long run.

In Conclusion
, Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
face a variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
, such as air pollution, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
are not insurmountable. In my view, It is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's responsibility to tackle these issues, and they should bring awareness in public about the issue. As far as I
am concerned
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and individuals, together can bring a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
The conquest of learning is achieved through the knowledge of languages.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Describe some of the problems over-reliance on cars can cause and suggest a possible solution. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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