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some people think that modern technology is making people more sociable, while others think it is making them less sociable. discuss both view and give your opinion. v.24

some people think that modern technology is making people more sociable, while others think it is making them less sociable. v. 24
Technologies are becoming more and more advance day by day. The earth is connected through technological rope and our earth is becoming a global village. In this essay, I will discuss both views of how technology is making people more sociable or less social. To begin with, in the early era where people were working and trading at their decided boundaries so they dose had a barter system where everyone exchange things. Nowadays scenario change, all countries government are working together to become economically strong. For example, most Guelph countries supply oil to the nature and getting grain from agriculture countries like India, Newzeland, furthermore Guelph countries are getting safety agreement from leading economical countries like U. K, U. S. A. Talking about space, humans are trying to find life on the other planet which is only possible through technology. Secondly, many artists become famous and spread their peace-full message to earth with the help of social networking like YouTube, Facebook. Many Musicum are collaborating and making communication through Skype. In addition, big companies are making their billions of dollar decision Waya E-mail. Technology has its own drawbacks! Other people say that technology is gathering the world and separating family. To illustrate, children become more self centre and self-isolated from their family because of cell phones. People are not seeing each other at home, instead they are using video-calls and conferences so, personal touch is missing. On the positive side, we can talk with our love one and friends any time, any place by just the use of cell and good internet. To sum up, technologies have changed human's lifestyle and make the world smaller. In my opinion modern technology is making more sociable.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technologies
are becoming more and more advance day by day. The earth
is connected
through technological rope and our earth is becoming a global village. In this essay, I will discuss both views of how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more sociable or less social.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, in the early era where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were working and trading at their decided boundaries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they dose had a barter system where everyone
The pronoun 'everyone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "exchanges", "exchanged".
exchange
things. Nowadays scenario
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
, all
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "countries'" or "country's"?
countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
are working together to become
economically
strong.
For example
, most Guelph
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
supply oil to the nature and getting grain from agriculture
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
like India,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Newzeland
,
furthermore
Guelph
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are getting safety agreement from leading economical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
like U. K, U. S. A. Talking about space, humans are trying to find life on the other planet which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
possible through technology.

Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
artists become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
and spread their peace-full message to earth with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of social networking like YouTube, Facebook.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
Possible spelling mistake found.
Musicum
are collaborating and making communication through Skype.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are making their billions of dollar decision
Possible spelling mistake found.
Waya
E-mail.

Technology has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
drawbacks! Other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is gathering the world and separating family. To illustrate, children become more self
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
and self-isolated from their family
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of cell phones.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are not seeing each other at home,
instead
they are using video-calls and conferences
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, personal touch is missing. On the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
side, we can talk with our
Did you mean "loved one"?
love one
and friends any time, any place by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of cell and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
internet.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
human's lifestyle and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the world smaller. In my opinion modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is making more sociable.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay some people think that modern technology is making people more sociable, while others think it is making them less sociable. v. 24

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
284 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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