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Some people think that modern technology is making people more sociable, while others think it is making them less sociable. Discuss both views and give your opinion v.23

Some people think that modern technology is making people more sociable, while others think it is making them less sociable. 23
It is undeniable that the development of technology has a vital impact on people’s social life. While some people believe that such development is lowering social norms, I would argue that it is adding more to one’s sociable life for a couple of reasons. On the one hand, those who believe that people are being less sociable due to the technological advancements might find it complicated to communicate digitally. The reason behind this is that they don’t have the ability to operate smart phones which are required to be one of the most essential devices used for communication. For instance, Apple Company in the USA applied a new application on their last generations of iPhone known as FaceTime. Through this application, the vast majority of people worldwide believes that it is easier to be connected with any person whether by voice or video. However, some people, especially elderly will see it difficult to use such devices and would rather prefer to stick with the normal cell phones. In contrast, if these people know how to operate these devices, they will be in touch with anyone in a simple way. On the other hand, my view is that many people are becoming more sociable due to the innovations of technology. This is because they know how to use digital devices effectively. To illustrate, I work for one of the wealthiest construction companies in the middle east as a procurement manager. The workflow of such companies required to be in touch with every simple aspect of work and thus with employees. So that the company had established a new program that links all the team members together, I will only need to press the button on the program to be connected with the needed employee whatever the location was. Consequently, if people do not give it a try to know the ease of use of these devices, they will not be able to be more sociable with others. To conclude, despite the lack of information for those who are not using technological devices, I would argue that technological inventions make it way easier to be in connection with people around the globe.
It is undeniable that the development of technology has a vital impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
social life. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that such development is lowering social norms, I would argue that it is adding more to one’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sociable
life for a couple of reasons.

On the one hand, those who believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are being less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sociable
due to the technological advancements might find it complicated to communicate
digitally
. The reason behind this is that they don’t have the ability to operate smart phones which
are required
to be one of the most essential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for communication.
For instance
, Apple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Company
in the USA applied a new application on their last generations of iPhone known as FaceTime. Through this application, the vast majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
worldwide
Did you mean "beliefs" (noun) instead of believes (verb)?
believes
that it is easier to
be connected
with any person whether by voice or video.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
elderly will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
it difficult to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
and would
rather
prefer to stick with the normal cell phones.
In contrast
, if these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
know how to operate these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
, they will be in touch with anyone
Consider replacing "in a simple way" with the adverb for "simple"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a simple way
.

On the other hand
, my view is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are becoming more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sociable
due to the innovations of technology. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they know how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
digital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
effectively
. To illustrate, I work for one of the wealthiest construction
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
in the
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
middle east
as a procurement manager. The workflow of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
required to be in touch with every simple aspect of work and
thus
with employees.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
had established a new program that links all the team members together, I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
need to press the button on the program to
be connected
with the needed employee whatever the location was.
Consequently
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not give it a try to know the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
, they will not be able to be more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sociable
with others.

To conclude
, despite the lack of information for those who are not using technological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
, I would argue that technological inventions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it way easier to be in connection with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the globe.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that modern technology is making people more sociable, while others think it is making them less sociable. 23

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
360 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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