Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Nowadays, while some think that it is good for business meetings and business training to be taken place online, others think it has cons. Discuss both views and given your opinion? v.2

Nowadays, while some think that it is good for business meetings and business training to be taken place online, others think it has cons. v. 2
With the increase momentum of globalization, it is not surprising to witness some people believe that there are positive effects on online business meeting and training because of technological advancement. At the same time, some individuals argue with that assertion. Therefore, the arguments on both sides of this controversial issue will be discussed in the following paragraph in turn and finally, my opinion will be given. On the one hand, some opponents are quick to point out the fact that there are severed advantages of these issues. First of all, virtual conference is very important for business, especially which is a multinational company. If an organization needs a critical decision in an urgent case, The management can arrange a video conferencing For example, Skype, Whatsapp, immediately without waiting for transportation time brought they are in different countries and can give a strategic decision in time. As a result of these activities, holding group meeting online make quickly response and time saving. Secondly, technology can have a beneficial impaction on our society. The employees have to learn training which is supported by their organization for the purpose of continuous professional development, such as audio/video lesson on a web page, Facebook etc. Even though they absent the training because of emergency work, they can study back from that web page or video file and ask any question any time with comments. In spite of these positive effects on the other hand, other proponents have also expressed an equal view that holding meeting and training for business has brought important drawbacks as well. It is worth considering, data security is an important for every organization. If the data are hacked when virtual meeting or training is taking place, it will be the huge amount of last for the business especially in a competitive environment. Last but not least, we should need to consider about the stability of the connection. In conclusion, both sides have their merits. In my humble opinion, I passionately believe that where there may be some obvious weakness of this, overall, virtual network online business meeting and training, presents more potential benefits.
With the increase momentum of globalization, it is not surprising to witness
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects on online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meeting
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of technological advancement. At the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals argue with that assertion.
Therefore
, the arguments on both sides of this controversial issue will
be discussed
in the following paragraph in turn and
finally
, my opinion will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
opponents are quick to point out the fact that there
are severed
advantages of these issues.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, virtual conference is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
,
especially
which is a multinational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. If an organization needs a critical decision in an urgent case, The management can arrange a video conferencing
For example
, Skype,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Whatsapp
, immediately without waiting for transportation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
brought they are in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries and can give a strategic decision in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
As a result
of these activities, holding group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meeting
online
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
quickly
response and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
saving.
Secondly
, technology can have a beneficial impaction on our society. The employees
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
learn
If 'learn' is used as a verb, it usually requires the infinitive: "to train".
training
which
is supported
by their organization for the purpose of continuous professional development, such as audio/video lesson on a web page, Facebook etc.
Even though
they absent the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of emergency work, they can study back from that web page or video file and ask any question any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with comments.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects
on the other hand
, other proponents have
also
expressed an equal view that holding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meeting
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
has brought
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
drawbacks
as well
. It is worth considering, data security is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for every organization. If the data
are hacked
when virtual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meeting
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
is taking place, it will be the huge amount of last for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
especially
in a competitive environment. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, we should need to
Did you mean simply "consider the"? You do not need the word "about" here.
consider about the
stability of the connection.

In conclusion
, both sides have their merits. In my humble opinion, I
passionately
believe that where there may be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
obvious weakness of this,
overall
, virtual network online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meeting
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
, presents more potential benefits.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays, while some think that it is good for business meetings and business training to be taken place online, others think it has cons. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
352 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts