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Some people think that modern technology is making people more sociable, while others think it is making them less sociable. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.21

Some people think that modern technology is making people more sociable, while others think it is making them less sociable. v. 21
Modern automation is making youngster and adult to connect faster from life all over the world, while few believe that due to increase in the invention of new robotics it is making people very less sociable. This essay will discuss, why the computers have created a gap in the communication between one human to another, rather than making them more sociable with the unknown person in social websites. Since the technology is improving drastically the relationship among the humans is decreasing day by day personally. Earlier, in the olden days without the invention of technology, children to elders used to share their sorrows and happiness with each other and they used to play outdoor and indoor games, which in turn made them happy and keep them physically healthy. For instance, from small kids to elders, they played or worked with a group of people, which in turn used to make their relationship strong during those days. Finally, with the invent of smart phones and social websites which is making people less sociable. On the other hand, after the new inventions pupil connects to any one staying anywhere in the world. This is made easy by the new apps like Facebook, Instagram, and Watsapp. For example, person staying in one country can gossip with the other pupil in another country within seconds through message or call. However, it makes a person to connect to stranger and lead to problems, which sometimes ruin their life also. In addition, it makes them addict to the technology and less sociable. In conclusion, This essay discussed why with the invention of modern technologies people are becoming less sociable compared to olden days. In my opinion, usage of modern technologies made people less sociable.
Modern automation is making youngster and adult to connect faster from life all over the world, while few believe that due to increase in the invention of new robotics it is making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sociable
. This essay will discuss, why the computers have created a gap in the communication between one human to another,
rather
than making them more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sociable
with the unknown person in social websites.

“Since” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Since
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is improving
drastically
the relationship among the humans is decreasing day by day
personally
. Earlier, in the olden days without the invention of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, children to elders
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to share their sorrows and happiness with each
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
other and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to play outdoor and indoor games, which in turn made them happy and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them
physically
healthy.
For instance
, from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
kids to elders, they played or worked with a group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, which in turn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their relationship strong during those days.
Finally
, with the
The word 'invent' is a verb. Did you mean the noun "invention"?
invent
of smart phones and social websites which is making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
sociable.

On the other hand
, after the new
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "inventions'" or "invention's"?
inventions
pupil connects to any one staying anywhere in the world. This
is made
easy by the new apps like Facebook, Instagram, and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Watsapp
.
For example
, person staying in one country can gossip with the other pupil in another country within seconds through message or call.
However
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a person to connect to stranger and lead to problems, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
ruin their life
also
.
In addition
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them addict to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
sociable.

In conclusion
, This essay discussed why with the invention of modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are becoming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sociable
compared to olden days.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
my opinion, usage of modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sociable
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that modern technology is making people more sociable, while others think it is making them less sociable. v. 21

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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