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Q: Nowadays, there is a trend that reports of media focus on the problems and emergencies rather than positive development. Some people think it is harmful to individuals and to society. To what extend do you agree or disagree. v.1

Q: Nowadays, there is a trend that reports of media focus on the problems and emergencies rather than positive development. Some people think it is harmful to individuals and to society. v. 1
These days, news channels are broadcasting more negative and alarming news instead of focusing on achievements. While some people believe that this can harm people, I would argue that it can benefit every person on its own and as a group. Firstly, by focusing more on the current problems, more awareness of these issues can be spread among the people. This awareness is essential because individuals usually care about the short term impacts of their actions, and they tend to ignore the long-term consequences, which can eventually create terrible situations for any living creature. For instance, Amazon Rainforests, which covers around 70% of the total wildlife, recently got nearly vanished due to deforestation, became breaking news all over the world and resulted in a lot of rescue and aid campaigns. As a result, it gained a lot of attention and helped to change the mentality of the society. Secondly, by addressing these alarming reports, the government can be forced to take quick actions on the problems, which can often take years to get settled. For example, lands are often hit by Tsunamis and floods, which can many times result in no food and shelter. In such cases, voluntary groups usually gather a lot of funds using the platform of media. Not only this, but a lot of rape and murder cases could be solved immediately, which may otherwise be overlooked by the government. This immediate action can set a positive example for every citizen of the country. In conclusion, I strongly support that flashing more disturbing and alarming news in media can have positive effects on the people like bringing into notice the horrible impacts of the people’s actions and creating positive pressure on the government.
These days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
channels are broadcasting more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
and alarming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
instead
of focusing on achievements. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that this can harm
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, I would argue that it can benefit every person on its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
and as a group.

Firstly
, by focusing more on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
problems, more awareness of these issues can
be spread
among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This awareness is essential
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
individuals
usually
care about the short term impacts of their actions, and they tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
the long-term consequences, which can
eventually
create terrible situations for any living creature.
For instance
, Amazon Rainforests, which covers around 70% of the total wildlife, recently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
nearly
vanished due to deforestation, became breaking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
all over the world and resulted in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of rescue and aid campaigns.
As a result
, it gained a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of attention and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the mentality of the society.

Secondly
, by addressing these alarming reports, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can
be forced
to take quick actions on the problems, which can
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
take years to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
settled.
For example
, lands are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
hit by Tsunamis and floods, which can
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times result in no food and shelter. In such cases, voluntary groups
usually
gather a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of funds using the platform of media. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of rape and murder cases could
be solved
immediately, which may
otherwise
be overlooked
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. This immediate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
action
can set a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
example for every citizen of the country.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
support that flashing more disturbing and alarming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
in media can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like bringing into notice the horrible impacts of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
actions and creating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
pressure on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS essay Q: Nowadays, there is a trend that reports of media focus on the problems and emergencies rather than positive development. Some people think it is harmful to individuals and to society. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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