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GOVERNMENTS SHOULD NOT INVEST IN ARTS SUCH AS MUSIC AND THEATER. GOVERNMENTS MUST INVEST MORE IN PUBLIC SERVICES. TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE? v.2

GOVERNMENTS SHOULD NOT INVEST IN ARTS SUCH AS MUSIC AND THEATER. GOVERNMENTS MUST INVEST MORE IN PUBLIC SERVICES. v. 2
SOME PEOPLE ARE OF THE OPINION THAT THE GOVERNMENT SHOULD SPEND MORE MONEY ON PUBLIC SERVICES INSTEAD OF USING THEIR BUDGET TO SUPPORT THE ARTS, FOR INSTANCE THEATER AND MUSIC. IN MY OPINION, ALTHOUGH MORE INVESTMENT IS NEEDED IN PUBLIC TRANSPORT AND HEALTH CARE SYSTEM, THE ARTS PLAY A SIGNIFICANT ROLE IN THE SOCIETY AND SHOULD NOT BE IGNORED. WITH REGARDS TO PUBLIC SERVICES, IT IS WITHOUT DOUBT THAT PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION AND HEALTH SYSTEM NEED MORE FUNDING. THIS IS BECAUSE A BOOST IN THE AVAILABILITY OF TRAINS AND BUSES WILL HELP TO REDUCE TRAFFIC CONGESTION AND THE AMOUNT OF AIR POLLUTION WHICH ARE CAUSED BY EMISSIONS FROM GREAT NUMBER OF PRIVATELY OWNED CARS. ALSO, THIS BOOST WILL HELP REDUCE COST OF LIVING BY ENABLING PEOPLE TO SAVE ON FUEL AND INSURANCE COST AS THEY GET TO PAY LESS FOR A MONTHLY BUS PASS. FURTHERMORE, EMPLOYMENT OF MORE MEDICAL PROFESSIONALS AND PROVISION OF SOPHISTICATED MEDICAL EQUIPMENT WILL MAKE HEALTH CARE EASILY ACCESSIBLE TO THE MASSES, THEREBY LEADING TO A HEALTHY AND WEALTHY NATION. ON THE OTHER HAND, THE ARTS SHOULD BE FUNDED BY THE GOVERNMENT BECAUSE OF ITS GREAT IMPORT IN THE LIVES OF PEOPLE AND SOCIETY AS WELL. FIRSTLY, THEATER AND MUSIC PROVIDE ENTERTAINMENT FOR INDIVIDUALS. PEOPLE VISIT CINEMAS AND BARS ESPECIALLY IN THE EVENING TO RELIEVE STRESS OF THE DAY BY SEEING MOVIES AND LISTENING TO MUSIC. ALSO, THE ARTS CAN BOOST THE ECONOMY OF A COUNTRY BY PROVIDING EMPLOYMENT FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE ART INCLINED. THIS IN TURN LEADS TO CRIME REDUCTION AS ANYONE WHO IS OCCUPIED WITH A FULFILLING JOB HAS NO TIME AND INTEREST IN GETTING INVOLVED IN ANY FORM OF CRIME. IN CONCLUSION, WHILE THE GOVERNMENT NEEDS TO PLOUGH MORE MONEY INTO PUBLIC SERVICES, THE ARTS SHOULD ALWAYS BE APPRECIATED FOR ITS IMPORTANCE. GOVERNMENT SHOULD DO MORE BY SUPPORTING THE ARTS FINANCIALLY TO ENSURE A DIVERSIFIED ECONOMY.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
ARE OF THE OPINION THAT THE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
GOVERNMENT
SHOULD SPEND MORE MONEY ON
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PUBLIC
SERVICES
INSTEAD
OF USING THEIR BUDGET TO SUPPORT THE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ARTS
,
FOR INSTANCE
THEATER AND MUSIC. IN MY OPINION, ALTHOUGH MORE INVESTMENT
IS NEEDED
IN
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PUBLIC
TRANSPORT AND HEALTH CARE SYSTEM, THE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ARTS
PLAY A SIGNIFICANT ROLE IN THE SOCIETY AND SHOULD NOT BE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
IGNORED
.

Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
WITH REGARDS TO
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PUBLIC
SERVICES, IT IS WITHOUT DOUBT THAT
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PUBLIC
TRANSPORTATION AND HEALTH SYSTEM NEED MORE FUNDING. THIS IS
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BECAUSE
A BOOST IN THE AVAILABILITY OF TRAINS AND BUSES WILL
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
HELP
TO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
REDUCE
TRAFFIC CONGESTION AND THE AMOUNT OF AIR POLLUTION WHICH
ARE CAUSED
BY EMISSIONS FROM GREAT NUMBER OF
PRIVATELY
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
OWNED
CARS.
ALSO
, THIS BOOST WILL
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
HELP
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
REDUCE
COST OF LIVING BY ENABLING
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
TO SAVE ON FUEL AND INSURANCE COST AS THEY
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
GET
TO PAY LESS FOR A MONTHLY BUS PASS.
FURTHERMORE
, EMPLOYMENT OF MORE MEDICAL PROFESSIONALS AND PROVISION OF SOPHISTICATED MEDICAL EQUIPMENT WILL
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
MAKE
HEALTH CARE
EASILY
ACCESSIBLE TO THE MASSES, THEREBY LEADING TO A HEALTHY AND WEALTHY NATION.

ON THE OTHER HAND
, THE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ARTS
SHOULD
BE FUNDED
BY THE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
GOVERNMENT
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BECAUSE
OF ITS GREAT IMPORT IN THE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
LIVES
OF
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
AND SOCIETY
AS WELL
.
FIRSTLY
, THEATER AND MUSIC PROVIDE ENTERTAINMENT FOR INDIVIDUALS.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
VISIT CINEMAS AND BARS
ESPECIALLY
IN THE EVENING TO RELIEVE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
STRESS
OF THE DAY BY SEEING MOVIES AND LISTENING TO MUSIC.
ALSO
, THE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ARTS
CAN BOOST THE ECONOMY OF A COUNTRY BY PROVIDING EMPLOYMENT FOR
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
WHO ARE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ART
INCLINED. THIS IN TURN LEADS TO CRIME REDUCTION AS ANYONE WHO
IS OCCUPIED
WITH A FULFILLING JOB HAS NO TIME AND INTEREST IN GETTING INVOLVED IN ANY FORM OF CRIME.

IN CONCLUSION
, WHILE THE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
GOVERNMENT
NEEDS TO
Possible spelling mistake. 'PLOUGH' is British English.
PLOUGH
MORE MONEY INTO
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PUBLIC
SERVICES, THE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ARTS
SHOULD ALWAYS
BE APPRECIATED
FOR ITS IMPORTANCE.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
GOVERNMENT
SHOULD DO MORE BY SUPPORTING THE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ARTS
FINANCIALLY
TO ENSURE A DIVERSIFIED ECONOMY.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
The man who does not know other languages, unless he is a man of genius, necessarily has deficiencies in his ideas.
Victor Hugo

IELTS essay GOVERNMENTS SHOULD NOT INVEST IN ARTS SUCH AS MUSIC AND THEATER. GOVERNMENTS MUST INVEST MORE IN PUBLIC SERVICES. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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