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Some people think that modern technology is making people more sociable, while others think it is making them less sociable. Discuss both views and give your opinion v.16

Some people think that modern technology is making people more sociable, while others think it is making them less sociable. 16
While, certain individuals believe that advancement in telecommunication has made people socially active, others opine that it makes people unfriendly and unsociable. This essay will discuss both views and further, agrees that with the usage of the latest machinery people are becoming more communicative. It is clear that the development of computers and the world wide web has connected people globally. This is to say, individuals communicate more easily and conveniently with their relatives and loved ones living in any part of the Earth through the adoption video chatting and mobile phones. As a result, societies from different countries can socially connect with each other, thus maintaining peace and harmony around the Earth. To elucidate, a recent study conducted by The Times showed that more than 80 percent of people communicate with people worldwide through the usage of the latest technology. However, some disagree with the aforementioned opinion as they feel that there is a lack of physical touch among people as they spend most of their time on the internet. In other words, people spend most of their time on the world wide web and mobile phones doing online surfing, rather than communicating with other people. As a consequence, people will have a feeling of isolation, loneliness and less human contact, which can result in conflicts. For instance, a recent study conducted by The New York Times showed that more than 60 percent of people spend most of their time either on their computers or the mobile phones rather than spending with their relatives. To conclude, although some people feel that the adoption of hi-techs make people less socially active. In my opinion, I vehemently agree that the use of advanced technology and the world wide web has helped people to interact with each other despite their location.
While, certain individuals believe that advancement in telecommunication has made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
socially
active, others opine that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
unfriendly
and unsociable. This essay will discuss both views and
further
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
that with the usage of the latest machinery
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are becoming more communicative.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the development of computers and the
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
world wide web
has connected
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
globally. This is to say, individuals communicate more
easily
and
conveniently
with their relatives and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
Did you mean "one's"?
ones
living in any part of the Earth through the adoption video chatting and mobile phones.
As a result
, societies from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries can
socially
connect with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
,
thus
maintaining peace and harmony around the Earth. To elucidate, a recent study conducted by The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Times
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that more than 80 percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
communicate with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
worldwide through the usage of the latest technology.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disagree with the aforementioned opinion as they feel that there is a lack of physical touch among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as they spend most of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on the internet. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend most of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on the
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
world wide web
and mobile phones doing online surfing,
rather
than communicating with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. As a consequence,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will have a feeling of isolation, loneliness and less human contact, which can result in conflicts.
For instance
, a recent study conducted by The New York
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Times
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that more than 60 percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend most of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
either on their computers or the mobile phones
rather
than spending with their relatives.

To conclude
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel that the adoption of hi-techs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
less
socially
active. In my opinion, I
vehemently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of advanced technology and the
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
world wide web
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to interact with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
despite their location.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Learn everything you can, anytime you can, from anyone you can; there will always come a time when you will be grateful you did.
Sarah Caldwell

IELTS essay Some people think that modern technology is making people more sociable, while others think it is making them less sociable. 16

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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