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Some believe that people are naturally born as leaders while others feel that leadership skills can develop. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.2

Some believe that people are naturally born as leaders while others feel that leadership skills can develop. v. 2
Throughout our history, we will find many leaders, who inspire people and lead them to their destinations. There is a group of people who believe that leadership is a skill that comes to you naturally, while there are others who believe that, this skill can be developed. In this essay we are going to discuss this narrative with both perspectives. Some of us are born leaders, people choose to follow them because they believe in that person, in times of desperation we look for someone who would lead us and speak for us. In our history of thousand years we came across many such personalities, like Gandhi, Nelson Mandela or Martin Luther King. These gentlemen evolved as leaders due to the circumstances around them. The goodness in them and will to do good motivates them to help those in need and stand for their rights. And they will be forever. Some of us like to argue that leaders can be made, If we make someone responsible for some task, the completion of that task in a proper manner will motivate that person to develop as a leader. He will drive the others in a manner he sees well. And people around him will oblige if they feel that he is doing and adequate job with the goodness of his heart. So in this way a leader can be made. A natural skill of leading can come out at any point in life, but with proper training and development this can be refined. There is always some part of you that knows that you can lead, but it needs encouragement from people around you.
Throughout our history, we will find
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leaders
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
inspire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and lead them to their destinations. There is a group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
believe that leadership is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to you
naturally
, while there are others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
believe that, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
can
be developed
. In this essay we are going to discuss this narrative with both perspectives.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of us
are born
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leaders
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose to follow them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they believe in that person, in times of desperation we look for someone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
would lead us and speak for us. In our history of thousand years we came across
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
such personalities, like Gandhi, Nelson Mandela or Martin Luther King. These gentlemen evolved as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leaders
due to
Consider using "the surrounding circumstances".
the circumstances around them
. The goodness in them and will to do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
motivates them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
those in need and stand for their rights. And they will be forever.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of us like to argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leaders
can
be made
, If we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
someone responsible for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
task, the completion of that task
Consider replacing "in a proper manner" with the adverb for "proper"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a proper manner
will motivate that person to develop as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leader
. He will drive the others in a manner he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sees
well. And
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around him will oblige if they feel that he is doing and adequate job with the goodness of his heart.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
in this way a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leader
can
be made
.

A natural
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
of leading can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
out at any point in life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
with proper training and development this can
be refined
. There is always
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
part of you that knows that you can lead,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it needs encouragement from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around you.
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
The conquest of learning is achieved through the knowledge of languages.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Some believe that people are naturally born as leaders while others feel that leadership skills can develop. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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