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In some parts of the world it is becoming popular to research the history of one’s own family. Why might people want to do this? Is it a positive or negative development? v.2

In some parts of the world it is becoming popular to research the history of one’s own family. Why might people want to do this? Is it a positive or negative development? v. 2
In certain areas of the world, it becomes a trend to have a pedigree analysis of one’s own family. It is because people want to be aware of their medical history due to growing disease rate nowadays. In my opinion, it is a positive development as it would help them to identify suspected inherited syndromes. Firstly, in recent years, a number of people prefer pedigree analysis of their families because they want to know their medical history as the disease rate in the increasingly prevalent around the globe. Moreover, it would help them to identify genetic ailments which run in the families and would eventually express in future generations, so family tree would help people to pre-diagnose inherited diseases. For instance, hearing loss is a genetic disorder which runs in the families of various areas of Pakistan. Secondly, I believe, diagnosing suspected congenital syndromes using family history would help people to get early counselling about particular syndromes as it would help them to take early precautions and have a proper medical checkup on time. Furthermore, it would also help people to know more about their family customs, values and even intelligence. For instance, in our country cousin marriages in one of the leading causes of hearing loss in families so by having family background information people can stop consanguineous marriages. To conclude, in particular regions of the world, people prefer to have a family history past because it would help them to identify various suspected diseases which run in their families and ultimately affect next generations. I believe it is a positive development as it will help them to take precautionary measures to control such ailments and also it will be beneficial in a long run for people to know about their family roots.
In certain areas of the world, it becomes a trend to have a pedigree analysis of one’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
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family
. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to be aware of their medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
due to growing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
rate nowadays. In my opinion, it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development as it would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to identify suspected inherited syndromes.

Firstly
, in recent years, a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer pedigree analysis of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they want to know their medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
rate in the
increasingly
prevalent around the globe.
Moreover
, it would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to identify genetic ailments which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
run
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
and would
eventually
express in future generations,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
tree would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
pre-diagnose
inherited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
.
For instance
, hearing loss is a genetic disorder which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
runs
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
of various areas of Pakistan.

Secondly
, I believe, diagnosing suspected congenital syndromes using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
early counselling about particular syndromes as it would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to take early precautions and have a proper medical checkup on time.
Furthermore
, it would
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to know more about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
customs, values and even intelligence.
For instance
, in our country cousin marriages in one of the leading causes of hearing loss in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
by having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
background information
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
consanguineous marriages.

To conclude
,
in particular
regions of the world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
past
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to identify various suspected
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
run
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
and
ultimately
affect
next
generations. I believe it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development as it will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to take precautionary measures to control such ailments and
also
it will be beneficial in a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
run
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to know about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
roots.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
40Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay In some parts of the world it is becoming popular to research the history of one’s own family. Why might people want to do this? Is it a positive or negative development? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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