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Some people think that modern technology is making people more sociable, while others think it is making them less sociable. Discuss both views and give your opinion v.11

Some people think that modern technology is making people more sociable, while others think it is making them less sociable. 11
Although it is believed by some that advanced technology is making people less active when dealing with others, others often believe that it is making them more active. In my opinion, I believe that advanced technology has a positive impact on people’s social lives, as this will let them communicate easily with each other. On the one hand, the vast majority of people believe that advanced technology is making a significant role in people’s communication. The reason behind this is that people will only need to click a button on their phone devices to call anyone around the globe. For instance, Apple has recently introduced a new generation of watches that allows their users to make an emergency phone call by itself in case an urgent situation occurred, and this can be done by measuring the vital signs in user’s bodies. For this reason, advanced technology shown a vital role in people’s communications. On the other hand, some people are blaming the ease of use of such devices. They believe that visiting habits is becoming increasingly less than ever before, and thus they are not be able to shake hands with each other or to see each other physically. For instance, a recent study by Harvard University in 2018 had shown a decline in the number of family visiting habits to nearby one third as technology devices incline. For this reason, some people believe that in spite of simplicity of using technology, it brought some negative habits. To conclude, although people may vary in their opinions, I believe that modern technology is making people far more sociable than ever before.
Although it
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
less active when dealing with others, others
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that it is making them more active. In my opinion, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, as this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them communicate
easily
with each other.

On the one hand, the vast majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is making a significant role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
communication. The reason behind this is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
need to click a button on their phone devices to call anyone around the globe.
For instance
, Apple has recently introduced a new generation of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watches
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
their users to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an emergency phone call by itself in case an urgent situation occurred, and this can
be done
by measuring the vital signs in user’s bodies.
For this reason
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
shown a vital role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
communications.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are blaming the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of such devices. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that visiting habits is becoming
increasingly
less than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
, and
thus
they are not
Consider using a past participle here: "been".
be
able to shake hands with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
or to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
physically
.
For instance
, a recent study by Harvard University in 2018 had shown a decline in the number of family visiting habits to nearby one third as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
devices incline.
For this reason
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
simplicity of using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, it brought
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
habits.

To conclude
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may vary in their opinions, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
far more sociable than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay Some people think that modern technology is making people more sociable, while others think it is making them less sociable. 11

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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