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Some people say, the thing to be happy in life is to have lot of money. How much having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy? v.1

Some people say, the thing to be happy in life is to have lot of money. How much having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy? v. 1
It is often believed that happiness is always measured in terms of money. Whether one likes it or lumps it, the role played by money in today’s life is indispensable. If that is true, can one forego the importance of money? This essay is going to deal about the connection between money and happiness in one’s mind. Since childhood, we all have understood that nothing comes for free. That is the reason, why people around the globe are always in mobility to earn money as it is widely accepted that most of the things can be bought only with money. This attitude begins from a school or a college goer who demands pocket money from his parents, a job seeker who negotiates his pay structure depending on his skills and the employees at the workplace where they have to prove their abilities at year end appraisals, as that impacts their further remuneration. For example, the Chief of Amazon is the highest paid man on earth and the company rewards him with millions of profits. In all these situations, it is evident that if one earns more, he and his entire family will be happy. On the contrary, if one is underpaid or if his pocket is empty, he is considered as inferior or a disgrace to this society. However, money alone cannot provide happiness to oneself. Else, this society would have become greedy, which would result in a dearth of philanthropists or charities. There is a saying that, teach a man how to do fishing rather than feeding him a fish. Philanthropy goes a long way to uplift the mankind. In my country, there are a vast number of schools and colleges that are established to provide free education, especially to the less fortunate children, as that helps them a long way in building their life and make them able to lead a better life and in turn find happiness in the rest of their journey. To conclude, money is the primordial thing in human’s life without which nothing is possible. However money cannot buy happiness all the time. There are various other things such as leading a healthy life, living with a happy family and disciplined kids are far better in making one's life happy. That is the reason, the famous philanthropist Warren Buffet said that happiness is not a destination but a journey.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
believed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is always measured in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. Whether one likes it or lumps it, the role played by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is indispensable. If
that is
true, can one forego the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
? This essay is going to deal about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
connection between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
in one’s mind.

Since childhood, we all have understood that nothing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
for free.
That is
the reason, why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
around the globe are always in mobility to earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as it is
widely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
that most of the things can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. This attitude
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begins
from a school or a college goer who demands pocket
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
from his parents, a job seeker who negotiates his pay structure depending on his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and the employees at the workplace where they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
prove their abilities at year
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
appraisals, as that impacts their
further
remuneration.
For example
, the Chief of Amazon is the highest paid
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
on earth and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
rewards him with millions of profits. In all these situations, it is evident that if one earns more, he and his entire family will be happy.
On the contrary
, if one is underpaid or if his pocket is empty, he
is considered
as inferior or a disgrace to this society.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
alone cannot provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
to oneself. Else, this society would have become greedy, which would result in a dearth of philanthropists or charities. There is a saying that, teach a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
how to
The usual collocation for an activity ending in "-ing" is "go" not "do" or "play." Revise: "go fishing".
do fishing
rather
than feeding him a fish. Philanthropy goes a long way to uplift the mankind. In my country, there are a vast number of schools and colleges that
are established
to provide free education,
especially
to the less fortunate children, as that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them a long way in building their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them able to lead a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and in turn find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
in the rest of their journey.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is the primordial thing in human’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
without which nothing is possible.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
all the time. There are various other things such as leading a healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, living with a happy family and disciplined kids are far better in making one's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
happy.
That is
the reason, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
philanthropist Warren Buffet said that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is not a destination
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a journey.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
The man who does not know other languages, unless he is a man of genius, necessarily has deficiencies in his ideas.
Victor Hugo

IELTS essay Some people say, the thing to be happy in life is to have lot of money. How much having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
395 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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