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Some people think that modern technology is making people more sociable, while others think it is making them less sociable. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.10

Some people think that modern technology is making people more sociable, while others think it is making them less sociable. v. 10
Some people believe that new technology has impacted the way people network and make new friends, while others think this advancement is making them more introverted. In my opinion, technology can be used for effective communication and people should utilize this more often as the world is gradually turning into a digital village. On the one hand, the advent of modern technology such as smartphones has made it convenient for people to socialize and communicate. Indeed, the world is fast becoming a global hub where people find it quite convenient to interact and engage with other people without physically meeting them. This has in a significant way boosted the confidence level of a lot of people, especially those who are timid or shy in person. There has been recorded instances where modern technology has aided people getting jobs, building and sustaining relationships, as well as, closing business deals. In China, for example, the rate of smartphone and laptop users has tremendously increased due to the seamless communication benefits it provides. On the other hand, with new technology comes its challenges. Many people have fallen victims of identity theft, which is a major reason why people find it difficult to socialize with others using technological devices that are in trend. There are people who believe that to keep their personal information safe, they need to stay away from anything that exposes their privacy. In addition, some people have become less sociable due to the cyber bullying and hate speeches they have encountered on public forums. This is a very particular case as seen with half of the population in Michigan, Chicago. To conclude, modern technology has improved the lives of many people by making communication easy. People should endeavor to utilize these innovative advancements to stay abreast of digital trends.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has impacted the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
network and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
new friends, while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this advancement is making them more introverted. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for effective communication and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should utilize this more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
as the world is
gradually
turning into a digital village.

On the one hand, the advent of modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
such as smartphones has made it convenient for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to socialize and communicate.
Indeed
, the world is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
becoming a global hub where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
find it quite convenient to interact and engage with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
without
physically
meeting them. This has
Consider replacing "in a significant way" with the adverb for "significant"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a significant way
boosted the confidence level of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
those who are timid or shy in person. There has
been recorded
instances where modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has aided
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
getting jobs, building and sustaining relationships,
as well
as, closing business deals. In China,
for example
, the rate of smartphone and laptop users has
tremendously
increased due to the seamless communication benefits it provides.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, with new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
its challenges.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have fallen victims of identity theft, which is a major reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
find it difficult to socialize with others using technological devices that are in trend. There are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who believe that to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their personal information safe, they need to stay away from anything that exposes their privacy.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have become less sociable due to the
This word is normally spelled as one.
cyber bullying
and hate speeches they have encountered on public forums. This is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
particular case as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
with half of the population in Michigan, Chicago.

To conclude
, modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
by making communication easy.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
should endeavor to utilize these innovative advancements to stay abreast of digital trends.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages know nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay Some people think that modern technology is making people more sociable, while others think it is making them less sociable. v. 10

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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