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Some people think that men are naturally more competitive than women. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.4

Some people think that men are naturally more competitive than women. v. 4
Human mankind is mixed up with all kinds of genders. Few people have put in opinion that men are naturally more likely competitive than women. To an extent, l like to support this statement, but the judgement on women power in this world need to think too. Apparently, in this modern era with all mankind in the hustle-bustle environment that they run towards meeting their daily needs. In past times, men only had to go to work and women should need to carry out all household duties. Similarly, as the milestones, changes confront the crucial subject of gender equality. Consequently, as trend changes from airforce to lower divisions work women gives outstanding performance. The importance of women's education increased that gets more chance for employment opportunities. Even though, they need to maintain balance between both family and work in a proper way. Therefore, this following statement proves that women are also becoming naturally competitive with men. Subsequently, Women becoming more supportive and gain assertiveness while they enter into the family because men supports the women in education as well as in job opportunities. So now, in fact, every woman is supported by men in various ways. Even though in the industrial sector, men play a pivotal role in the handling of equipments more than girls. Also, both mankind depends on each other. To conclude, both men and women play an important role nowadays in upbringing society through families. Henceforth it is difficult to differentiate the skills and range of power between them.
Human mankind
is mixed
up with all kinds of genders. Few
people
have put in opinion that
men
are
naturally
more likely competitive than
women
. To an extent, l like to support this statement,
but
the judgement on
women
power in this world
need
to
think
too.

Apparently
, in this modern era with all mankind in the hustle-bustle environment that they run towards meeting their daily
needs
. In past times,
men
only
had to go to work and
women
should
need
to carry out all household duties.
Similarly
, as the milestones,
changes
confront the crucial subject of gender equality.
Consequently
, as trend
changes
from
airforce
to lower divisions work
women
gives outstanding performance.

The importance of women's education increased that
gets
more chance for employment opportunities.
Even though
, they
need
to maintain balance between both family and work
in a proper way
.
Therefore
, this following statement proves that
women
are
also
becoming
naturally
competitive with
men
.

Subsequently
,
Women
becoming more supportive and gain assertiveness while they enter into the family
because
men
supports the
women
in education
as well
as in job opportunities.
So
now
, in fact, every woman
is supported
by
men
in various ways.
Even though
in the industrial sector,
men
play a pivotal role in the handling of equipments more than girls.
Also
, both mankind depends on each other.

To conclude
, both
men
and
women
play an
important
role nowadays in upbringing society through families.
Henceforth
it is difficult to differentiate the
skills
and range of power between them.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that men are naturally more competitive than women. v. 4

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
252 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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