Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people think that men are naturally more competitive than women. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.4

Some people think that men are naturally more competitive than women. v. 4
Human mankind is mixed up with all kinds of genders. Few people have put in opinion that men are naturally more likely competitive than women. To an extent, l like to support this statement, but the judgement on women power in this world need to think too. Apparently, in this modern era with all mankind in the hustle-bustle environment that they run towards meeting their daily needs. In past times, men only had to go to work and women should need to carry out all household duties. Similarly, as the milestones, changes confront the crucial subject of gender equality. Consequently, as trend changes from airforce to lower divisions work women gives outstanding performance. The importance of women's education increased that gets more chance for employment opportunities. Even though, they need to maintain balance between both family and work in a proper way. Therefore, this following statement proves that women are also becoming naturally competitive with men. Subsequently, Women becoming more supportive and gain assertiveness while they enter into the family because men supports the women in education as well as in job opportunities. So now, in fact, every woman is supported by men in various ways. Even though in the industrial sector, men play a pivotal role in the handling of equipments more than girls. Also, both mankind depends on each other. To conclude, both men and women play an important role nowadays in upbringing society through families. Henceforth it is difficult to differentiate the skills and range of power between them.
Human mankind
is mixed
up with all kinds of genders. Few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have put in opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
are
naturally
more likely competitive than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
. To an extent, l like to support this statement,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the judgement on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
power in this world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
too.

Apparently
, in this modern era with all mankind in the hustle-bustle environment that they run towards meeting their daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
. In past times,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
had to go to work and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to carry out all household duties.
Similarly
, as the milestones,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
confront the crucial subject of gender equality.
Consequently
, as trend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
from
Possible spelling mistake found.
airforce
to lower divisions work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
gives outstanding performance.

The importance of women's education increased that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
more chance for employment opportunities.
Even though
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to maintain balance between both family and work
Consider replacing "in a proper way" with the adverb for "proper"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a proper way
.
Therefore
, this following statement proves that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are
also
becoming
naturally
competitive with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
.

Subsequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Women
becoming more supportive and gain assertiveness while they enter into the family
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
supports the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in education
as well
as in job opportunities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, in fact, every woman
is supported
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
in various ways.
Even though
in the industrial sector,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
play a pivotal role in the handling of equipments more than girls.
Also
, both mankind depends on each other.

To conclude
, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role nowadays in upbringing society through families.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Henceforth
it is difficult to differentiate the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and range of power between them.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
We should learn languages because language is the only thing worth knowing even poorly.
Kató Lomb

IELTS essay Some people think that men are naturally more competitive than women. v. 4

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
252 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts
  • 6band
    Some people think that men are naturally more competitive than women. v. 1
    Although we are currently living in the twenty first century, some individuals still think that men are naturally trying to be superior than women. This thought is certainly not true, which is why both genders are enjoying fair chances to get employed and be promoted in different industries. No one...
  • 6band
    Some people think that men are naturally more competitive than women. v. 2
    Whether the success of an individual is determined by parents' way of upbringing, or other circumstances lay at the base of it, is a controversial topic. While, many people think that a person could achieve success only by receiving a good parental education, I wholeheardely believe that school play...
  • Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
    Oliver Wendell Holmes
  • 6.5band
    Some people think that men are naturally more competitive than women. v. 3
    It is thought by some that women are less competitive than men. I partly agree with this statement as it is related to significantly higher levels of testosterone that men have and as they still are supposed in many places throughout the world to be the ones who have to take care of their families. ...
  • 7band
    Some people think that men are naturally more competitive than women. v. 5
    Undoubtedly, traditional people work to complete their basic needs like food, shelter and clothing, but in today’s scenario, people are giving more preference to job for comfort life and stay less time with own family. Therefore, this trend creates positive and negative effects. To commence with, t...
  • Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
    Frank Smith


Recent posts