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Some people think that men are naturally more competitive than women. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some people think that men are naturally more competitive than women. v. 2
Whether the success of an individual is determined by parents' way of upbringing, or other circumstances lay at the base of it, is a controversial topic. While, many people think that a person could achieve success only by receiving a good parental education, I wholeheardely believe that school plays a pivotal role and is responsabile for children's level of achievement. To begin, many people agree with the statement for some noteworthy reasons. The most remarkable is that parental guidance is essencial for getting an important career in life as children spend the majority of time at home. For example, parents pave the way of their children and guide them to choosing proper choices. Another reason is that parents support their children with financial resources and emotioal as well. For instance, all the university fees and living expenses are paid by parents. However, their education fade in comparison to academical education. Nevertheless, there are some advocates that argue school is far more important than the education given to children by parents. Firsty, professors teach crucial lessons that every time come in useful later in life. For example, children learn to write and read at school. Therefore, it contributes definetely to reaching success. Secondly, kids learn various subjects during academical lessons. As a result, they find out quickly what they like and what they are good at. The best example, is my sister who has become a well-known singer in my hometown due tu her tutor who discovered her talent and encouraged her to pursue a career. All in all, when all specific reasons and relevant example are considered and evaluated, I storngly agree that tutors are of great significance when it comes to becoming successful when children are fully-grown.
Whether the success of an individual
is determined
by parents' way of upbringing, or other circumstances lay at the base of it, is a controversial topic. While,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that a person could achieve success
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
by receiving a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
parental education, I
Possible spelling mistake found.
wholeheardely
believe that school plays a pivotal role and is
Possible spelling mistake found.
responsabile
for children's level of achievement.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
noteworthy reasons. The most remarkable is that parental guidance is
Possible spelling mistake found.
essencial
for getting an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
career in life as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend the majority of time at home. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
pave the way of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and guide them to choosing proper choices. Another reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
support their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with financial resources and
Possible spelling mistake found.
emotioal
as well
.
For instance
, all the university fees and living expenses
are paid
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
However
, their education fade
in comparison
to academical education.

Nevertheless
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advocates that argue school is far more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than the education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Firsty
, professors teach crucial lessons that every time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
in useful later in life. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
learn to write and read at school.
Therefore
, it contributes
Possible spelling mistake found.
definetely
to reaching success.
Secondly
, kids learn various subjects during academical lessons.
As a result
, they find out
quickly
what they like and what they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at. The best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, is my sister who has become a well-known singer in my hometown due
Possible spelling mistake found.
tu
her tutor who discovered her talent and encouraged her to pursue a career.

All in all, when all specific reasons and relevant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
are considered
and evaluated, I
Possible spelling mistake found.
storngly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that tutors are of great significance when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to becoming successful when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
fully
-grown.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Learn a new language and get a new soul.
Czech Proverb

IELTS essay Some people think that men are naturally more competitive than women. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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