Some people think that men are naturally more competitive than women. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1
Some people think that men are naturally more competitive than women.  v. 1
Although we are currently living in the twenty first century, some individuals still think that men are naturally trying to be superior than women. This thought is certainly not true, which is why both genders are enjoying fair chances to get employed and be promoted in different industries.
No one can deny that men are physically superior than women. That is why, some jobs which are physically demanding are made exclusively available for men. However, this does not mean that men are trying to make these jobs exclusive for them because of the fact that they are competitive by nature. In addition, women naturally have different brain structure than men, which provide them with the ability to think excessively about certain ideas compared to men. This not only allow women to analyse a certain topic, but also make them far more superior when competing with men.
Moreover, women can pay attention to details much more than men. That is to say, females can effortlessly notice a specific weakness in their male colleague at work, which they can build upon to gain a chance of being promoted rather than their colleagues. For instance, many organisations worldwide are currently having more females in senior administrative roles, which is because of the recent trend of women empowerment orientation.
In conclusion, though many people think that men are more competitive than women, many facts are suggesting the opposite. Thereby, it seems reasonable now to suggest that both genders have their definite role within our world according to their different physical and mental abilities, which was engineered by nature itself so that they can indulge together and complement each other in their everyday tasks. 
Although we are  
currently
 living in the twenty  
first
 century,  
some
 individuals  
still
  think
 that  
men
 are  
naturally
 trying to be  
superior than
  women
. This  
thought
 is  
certainly
 not true, which is why both genders are enjoying  
fair
 chances to  
get
 employed and  
be promoted
 in  
different
 industries.
No one can deny that  
men
 are  
physically
  superior than
  women
.  
That is
 why,  
some
 jobs which are  
physically
 demanding  
are made
 exclusively available for  
men
.  
However
, this does not mean that  
men
 are trying to  
make
 these jobs exclusive for them  
because of the fact that
 they are competitive by nature.  
In addition
,  
women
  naturally
 have  
different
 brain structure than  
men
, which provide them with the ability to  
think
  excessively
 about certain  
ideas
 compared to  
men
. This not  
only
  allow
  women
 to  
analyse
 a certain topic,  
but
  also
  make
 them far more superior when competing with  
men
. 
Moreover
,  
women
 can pay attention to  
details
 much more than  
men
.  
That is
 to say, females can  
effortlessly
 notice a specific weakness in their male colleague at work, which they can build upon to gain a chance of  
being promoted
  rather
 than their colleagues.  
For instance
,  
many
  organisations
 worldwide are  
currently
 having more females in senior administrative roles, which is  
because
 of the recent trend of  
women
 empowerment orientation. 
In conclusion
, though  
many
  people
  think
 that  
men
 are more competitive than  
women
,  
many
 facts are suggesting the opposite. Thereby, it seems reasonable  
now
 to suggest that both genders have their  
definite
 role within our world according to their  
different
 physical and mental abilities, which  
was engineered
 by nature itself  
so
 that they can indulge together and complement each other in their everyday tasks. 
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes