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Some people think that men are naturally more competitive than women. v. 1

Although we are currently living in the twenty first century, some individuals still think that men are naturally trying to be superior than women. This thought is certainly not true, which is why both genders are enjoying fair chances to get employed and be promoted in different industries. No one can deny that men are physically superior than women. That is why, some jobs which are physically demanding are made exclusively available for men. However, this does not mean that men are trying to make these jobs exclusive for them because of the fact that they are competitive by nature. In addition, women naturally have different brain structure than men, which provide them with the ability to think excessively about certain ideas compared to men. This not only allow women to analyse a certain topic, but also make them far more superior when competing with men. Moreover, women can pay attention to details much more than men. That is to say, females can effortlessly notice a specific weakness in their male colleague at work, which they can build upon to gain a chance of being promoted rather than their colleagues. For instance, many organisations worldwide are currently having more females in senior administrative roles, which is because of the recent trend of women empowerment orientation. In conclusion, though many people think that men are more competitive than women, many facts are suggesting the opposite. Thereby, it seems reasonable now to suggest that both genders have their definite role within our world according to their different physical and mental abilities, which was engineered by nature itself so that they can indulge together and complement each other in their everyday tasks.

IELTS essay Some people think that men are naturally more competitive than women. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Although we are
currently
living in the twenty
first
century,
some
individuals
still
think
that
men
are
naturally
trying to be
superior than
women
. This
thought
is
certainly
not true, which is why both genders are enjoying
fair
chances to
get
employed and
be promoted
in
different
industries. No one can deny that
men
are
physically
superior than
women
.
That is
why,
some
jobs which are
physically
demanding
are made
exclusively available for
men
.
However
, this does not mean that
men
are trying to
make
these jobs exclusive for them
because of the fact that
they are competitive by nature.
In addition
,
women
naturally
have
different
brain structure than
men
, which provide them with the ability to
think
excessively
about certain
ideas
compared to
men
. This not
only
allow
women
to
analyse
a certain topic,
but
also
make
them far more superior when competing with
men
.
Moreover
,
women
can pay attention to
details
much more than
men
.
That is
to say, females can
effortlessly
notice a specific weakness in their male colleague at work, which they can build upon to gain a chance of
being promoted
rather
than their colleagues.
For instance
,
many
organisations
worldwide are
currently
having more females in senior administrative roles, which is
because
of the recent trend of
women
empowerment orientation.
In conclusion
, though
many
people
think
that
men
are more competitive than
women
,
many
facts are suggesting the opposite. Thereby, it seems reasonable
now
to suggest that both genders have their
definite
role within our world according to their
different
physical and mental abilities, which
was engineered
by nature itself
so
that they can indulge together and complement each other in their everyday tasks.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
Essay
4 paragraphs
279 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resources: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Band score ≥ 7
  • Band score ≤ 6
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