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People in the current generation are not fit and active. This will cause health problems in the future. What could be the reasons for the inactivity and suggest solutions for this issue. v.1

People in the current generation are not fit and active. This will cause health problems in the future. What could be the reasons for the inactivity and suggest solutions for this issue. v. 1
In our current society, people are considerably unfit and inactive. If these issues continued in the foreseeable future, there will be serious health issues that would be of concern to society. In my opinion, the current generation lacks the necessary time to become active; and they are succumbing to the enjoyment of playing video games while sitting down; therefore, education would be an effective solution to this predicament. Due to the busy nature of the current generation’s occupations, people have no time to do some exercises even if they are inclined to do it. Take for instance, health professional, whose main responsibility is to help patients in need, are usually on-call. In other words, when the hospital requires them to go to work, they need to respond immediately, which deprives them of their time to do what they want. So, instead of doing any form of workout, they would rather rest or relax their bodies in order for them be ready when they are called in. Another reason to consider is that with the advent of mobile gaming, the majority of the people, especially teenagers, play games at home than going out. These people consume a lot of hours in front of their phones which takes the time away from doing any other physical activities which could benefit them in the long run. Furthermore, although playing video games improve the brain’s reaction time, it does little to no improvement to the physical aspect of the body excluding the fingers that are being used while playing. Educating the public, I would say, is the best course of action for this issue. By informing the people about the benefits of having a healthy lifestyle which includes proper exercise and balanced diet, they will gain the necessary tools to become fit and active. Moreover, this knowledge will help the future generations as the current ones will most likely impart it to them. In conclusion, the current generation may not be fit and active due to reasons such as unavailability of time to do exercises and too much of giving time to playing video games, it is important for them to be educated in terms of healthy lifestyle through proper workout and eating healthy.
In our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
current
society,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
considerably
unfit and inactive. If these issues continued in the foreseeable future, there will be serious health issues that would be of concern to society. In my opinion, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
current
generation lacks the necessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to become active; and they are succumbing to the enjoyment of playing video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
while sitting down;
therefore
, education would be an effective solution to this predicament.

Due to the busy nature of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
current
generation’s occupations,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
exercises even if they
are inclined
to do it. Take
for instance
, health professional, whose main responsibility is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
patients in need, are
usually
on-call.
In other words
, when the hospital requires them to go to work, they need to respond immediately, which deprives them of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to do what they want.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
instead
of doing any form of workout, they would
rather
rest or relax their bodies in order for them be ready when they
are called
in.

Another reason to consider is that with the advent of mobile gaming, the majority of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
, play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
at home than going out. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consume
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
hours in front of their phones which takes the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
away from doing any other physical activities which could benefit them in the long run.
Furthermore
, although playing video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the brain’s reaction
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, it does
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
to no improvement to the physical aspect of the body excluding the fingers that are being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
while playing.

Educating the public, I would say, is the best course of action for this issue. By informing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about the benefits of having a healthy lifestyle which includes proper exercise and balanced diet, they will gain the necessary tools to become fit and active.
Moreover
, this knowledge will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the future generations as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
current
ones will most likely impart it to them.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
current
generation may not
be fit
and active due to reasons such as unavailability of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to do exercises and too much of giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to playing video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for them to
be educated
in terms of healthy lifestyle through proper workout and eating healthy.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay People in the current generation are not fit and active. This will cause health problems in the future. What could be the reasons for the inactivity and suggest solutions for this issue. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
370 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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