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People say that a child’s success is dependent on the way parents bring them up. To what extent do you agree or disagree. v.1

People say that a child’s success is dependent on the way parents bring them up. v. 1
Parents are the biggest influence on their children during their formative years and for this reason some people argue that the upbringing that a child receives determines their success in the future. I fully agree with this view. A child is like a piece of clay. It can be molded into whatever shape. If parents inculcate good values in their children, it is nearly impossible for them to go astray when they grow up. Likewise, if parents encourage them to work hard and dream big, they will most probably achieve great things in future. If we study the lives of highly successful people, it is not hard to see that they all had been highly influenced by their parents or a parent figure. For example, parents were a great influence on Mohandas Gandhi. Nehru had a tremendous influence on his daughter Indira. In his autobiography APJ Abdul Kalam also narrated how the simple and hardworking nature of his parents had shaped his personality. By contrast, children raised by parents who have no moral values often get into antisocial activities as they grow up. That explains why children coming from a criminal background almost always end up being criminals. They had no one to show them the right path during their childhood and consequently they chose the path of their parents. Children neglected or abused by their parents are also more likely to get into crime. Every child needs love and care. They need someone to hold their hand and motivate them. They need someone to show them what is right and wrong. Otherwise, they will wilt before they can bloom. On balance, it is not hard to see that parents play a crucial role in shaping up the future and personality of their children. They are the first and foremost influence on their children and as such it is their responsibility to ensure that they are guiding them in the right path.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
are the biggest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
during their formative years and
for this reason
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that the upbringing that a child receives determines their success in the future. I
fully
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view.

A child is like a piece of clay. It can
be molded
into whatever shape. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
inculcate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
values in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, it is
nearly
impossible for them to go astray when they grow up.
Likewise
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
encourage them to work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and dream
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
, they will most
probably
achieve great things
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
. If we study the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of
highly
successful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that they all had been
highly
influenced by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
or a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
figure.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
were a great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
on
Possible spelling mistake found.
Mohandas
Gandhi. Nehru had a tremendous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
on his daughter Indira. In his autobiography APJ Abdul
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kalam
also
narrated how the simple and hardworking nature of his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
had shaped his personality.

By contrast,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
raised by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
who have no moral values
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into antisocial activities as they grow up. That
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explains
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
coming from a criminal background almost always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up being criminals. They had no one to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
them the right path during their childhood and
consequently
they chose the path of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
neglected or abused by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are
also
more likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into crime.

Every child needs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and care. They need someone to hold their hand and motivate them. They need someone to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
them what is right and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
.
Otherwise
, they will wilt
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they can bloom.

On balance, it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
play a crucial role in shaping up the future and personality of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. They are the
first
and foremost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and as such it is their responsibility to ensure that they are guiding them in the right path.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
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IELTS essay People say that a child’s success is dependent on the way parents bring them up. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
322 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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