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Some people think that men and women have different qualities Therefore some certain jobs are suitable for men and some jobs are suitable for women To what extent do you agree or disagree v.1

Some people think that men and women have different qualities Therefore some certain jobs are suitable for men and some jobs are suitable for women v. 1
Education system across many countries has reading as the mandatory activity for institute children. Although it is sometimes that by some people that pupils should not be given instruction by their tutors, others believe that it plays a pivotal role in the academic studies of children. In my opinion, I consider the latter view because of its manifold benefits for children. On the one hand, some people and I feel that lecture cannot be avoided for many reasons. Firstly, it allows teachers to measure the progress of the student’s potential level. As a result, tutors would be able to provide extra guidance to the required individuals. Secondly, it allows students to remember their subjects and help them to concentrate the consecutive day’s classes effectively. Consequently, students will be able to focus more in the classroom, follow the subjects and grasp as much knowledge as possible from their teachers. Thirdly, nowadays it is evident to see children spending more present on gadgets, test can prevent children from spending term on electronic gadgets like iPads, mobiles and laptops. For instance, a survey conducted by the UK government demonstrates that seventy percent of people feel that test eliminates the gadget addiction among children. On the other hand, quite a few people feel that test is not necessary and should not be given by teachers as it has some detrimental effects on children. To begin with, study does not allow children to spend their second on extracurricular activities after institute hours. Resultantly, allocating task stops them from getting involved in such activities, affecting their physical well-being. Besides this, it also adds stress to children and affects their mental well-being. As students spend the majority of their point at schools, even after academy hours, if they are offered with project and other institute work, they feel overloaded and get stressed mentally. For example, an extensive research conducted by the World Health Organization illustrated that ninety percent of the population feels that practice affects children’s physical and mental well-being. To conclude, despite the fact that practice has several demerits, I strongly believe that practice is an indispensable element of education systems which cannot be avoided for its multifarious benefits to children.
Education system across
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries has reading as the mandatory activity for institute
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Although it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
that by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that pupils should not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
instruction by their tutors, others believe that it plays a pivotal role in the academic studies of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. In my opinion, I consider the latter view
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its manifold benefits for children.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
that lecture cannot
be avoided
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons.
Firstly
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
teachers to measure the progress of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student’s
potential level.
As a result
, tutors would be able to provide extra guidance to the required individuals.
Secondly
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to remember their subjects and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to concentrate the consecutive day’s classes
effectively
.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will be able to focus more in the classroom, follow the subjects and grasp as much knowledge as possible from their teachers.
Thirdly
, nowadays it is evident to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spending more present on gadgets,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from spending term on electronic gadgets like iPads, mobiles and laptops.
For instance
, a survey conducted by the UK
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
demonstrates that seventy percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
eliminates the gadget addiction among children.

On the other hand
, quite a few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
is not necessary and should not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by teachers as it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
detrimental effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, study does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to spend their second on extracurricular activities after institute hours.
Resultantly
, allocating task
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stops
them from getting involved in such activities, affecting their physical well-being.
Besides
this, it
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
adds
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and affects their mental well-being. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
spend the majority of their point at schools, even after academy hours, if they
are offered
with project and other institute work, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
overloaded and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
mentally.
For example
, an extensive research conducted by the World Health Organization illustrated that ninety percent of the population
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feels
that practice affects
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
physical and mental well-being.

To conclude
, despite the fact that practice has several demerits, I
strongly
believe that practice is an indispensable element of education systems which cannot
be avoided
for its multifarious benefits to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that men and women have different qualities Therefore some certain jobs are suitable for men and some jobs are suitable for women v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
365 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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