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Some people think that men and women have different qualities. Therefore, some certain jobs are suitable for men and some jobs are suitable for women. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.3

Some people think that men and women have different qualities. Therefore, some certain jobs are suitable for men and some jobs are suitable for women. v. 3
It is true that some people still believe that men and women are born with different qualities which determine what jobs are open to them. While there were strong arguments to justify this view in the past, I completely disagree that it should apply to the world of work today. On the one hand, it used to be thought that men and women have some distinct characteristics which affect the range of jobs open to them and which traditionally affect their choice of career. In terms of physical strength, when most work was still performed manually, it was argued that women were simply not strong enough to work on construction sites or drive heavy trucks. They were also believed to be unsuited to dangerous jobs, so few women entered the army. In terms of traditional stereotypes, women were considered to be more caring and sensitive than men, so they tended to enter professions such as nursing or the care of children and the elderly. On the other hand, the workplace has changed dramatically, and I believe that there is no room for outdated attitudes towards the capabilities of men and women. Men and women should enjoy equal opportunities in all careers. Firstly, changes in education have given women the same chance to gain qualifications as men. If they work hard, they deserve the opportunity to reach the top in their chosen field. Secondly, a more modern outlook has broken the traditional barriers, which effectively prevented men and women from doing certain jobs in the past: construction workers, truck drivers or soldiers in the case of women; nursing, cooking and cleaning jobs in the case of men. In conclusion, I would argue that there is no room today for sex discrimination at work – either against women or against men.
It is true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
still
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are born
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
qualities which determine what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are open to them. While there were strong arguments to justify this view in the past, I completely disagree that it should apply to the world of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.

On the one hand, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
distinct characteristics which affect the range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
open to them and which
traditionally
affect their choice of career. In terms of physical strength, when most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
was
still
performed
manually
, it
was argued
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
were
simply
not strong
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
on construction sites or drive heavy trucks. They were
also
believed to
be unsuited
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
entered the army. In terms of traditional stereotypes,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
were considered
to be more caring and sensitive than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they tended to enter professions such as nursing or the care of children and the elderly.

On the other hand
, the workplace has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
dramatically
, and I believe that there is no room for outdated attitudes towards the capabilities of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should enjoy equal opportunities in all careers.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in education have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
the same chance to gain qualifications as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
. If they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
, they deserve the opportunity to reach the top in their chosen field.
Secondly
, a more modern outlook has broken the traditional barriers, which

effectively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
from doing certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
in the past: construction workers, truck drivers or soldiers in the case of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
; nursing, cooking and cleaning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
in the case of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
.

In conclusion
, I would argue that there is no room
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
for sex discrimination at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
either against
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
or against
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Speak a new language so that the world will be a new world.
Rumi

IELTS essay Some people think that men and women have different qualities. Therefore, some certain jobs are suitable for men and some jobs are suitable for women. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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