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Some people think that men and women have different qualities. Therefore, some certain jobs are suitable for men and some jobs are suitable for women. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people think that men and women have different qualities. Therefore, some certain jobs are suitable for men and some jobs are suitable for women. v. 1
It's argued that many people believe that male and female have different activities. Also, most of the opportunities are recommended for the gents and few jobs are applicable for ladies. This essay completely agree with the above statement because women are not suitable for all jobs. The essay first will look at recommended job for males and females and then discuss about not necessary for them. Firstly, I believe that both genders are giving competition to the private and public organizations, but not recommended for all sectors. However, some may argue that females are the need to manage personal family life like children and health conditions compared to males. They are ready to work with more that 10 hours, but not recommended for 24/7 shift based jobs. For Instance, In India all BPO jobs are shift based so men are flexible to come to offices shift timings compare to women. Secondly, few jobs need to travel other countries based on client requirement, but males easily adjustable for travelling and accommodation but for females it's safe. Even though their friends, colleagues and relatives are helping provide stay but not recommended. For example One of the famous new channel conducted survey and released an article. In that paper they mentioned like a few of the consultancies are blaming to people, especially women and sending Dubai with a work permit visa but they're facing so many problems. To conclude, despite the different purposes, males and females are not recommended for every job, especially women, are needed safety and they're mostly taking care personal life and health.
It's argued that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that male and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
activities.

Also
, most of the opportunities are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
recommended
for the gents and few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are applicable for ladies. This essay completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the above statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
women are not suitable for all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
. The essay
first
will look at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
recommended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
and then
Did you mean simply "discuss not"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about not
necessary for them.

Firstly
, I believe that both genders are giving competition to the private and public organizations,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
recommended
for all sectors.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
may argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
are the need to manage personal family life like children and health conditions compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
. They are ready to work with more that 10 hours,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
recommended
for 24/7 shift based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
For Instance
, In India all BPO
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are shift based
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
are flexible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to offices shift timings compare to women.

Secondly
, few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
need to travel other countries based on client requirement,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
easily
adjustable for travelling and accommodation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
it's safe.
Even though
their friends, colleagues and relatives are helping provide stay
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not recommended.

For example
One of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
new channel conducted survey and released an article.

In that paper they mentioned like a few of the consultancies are blaming to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
especially
women and sending Dubai with a work permit visa
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they're facing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems.

To conclude
, despite the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
purposes,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
are not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
recommended
for every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
,
especially
women,
are needed
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
safety and
they're
mostly
taking care personal life and health.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that men and women have different qualities. Therefore, some certain jobs are suitable for men and some jobs are suitable for women. v. 1

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
263 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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