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Nowaday a large amount of advertising is aimed at children. Some people think this can have negative effects on children and should be band. To what extend do you agree or disagree? v.1

Nowaday a large amount of advertising is aimed at children. Some people think this can have negative effects on children and should be band. v. 1
In some locations, very high salaries are given to a few people. It is thought by some people that it is profit to a country, while others trust that the authority should take it response which the control of salaries and restrict the amount of people can earn. In this essay I will debate both aspects and give my own idea below. Let’s begin by looking at the first side of the argument, people who took an international certificate can enter the work easily and take much salary than others because they know English language and they have certificates which popular. And, there are people who know and understand computer technologies such as hackers. Moreover, they can enter the variety accounts which there is much money and also secret therefore, they can earn high amount of money. After that, around the world has sportsmen which football players they earn much money because they try to win another team and they go after the foreign countries for champions. At least, in my point of view, state officials must pay high salary for those who try strongly and it is good for the country because they. Turning to the other side of the argument, the dominions in poorer countries cannot pay much because, they must pay to the other facilities, therefore there are people which are accumulated little salaries. Secondly, if wealthy republics pay to workers, they will be deprived therefore they must regulate worker's monthly salary. Finally, in my view, if some nation states control limit of salaries, in future it would be best for them and for countries economy. Overall, I personally believe that people who work in offices or plants, regimes should pay high them. If a person who works in inferior places, management must pay low him or her.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
locations,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to a few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that it is profit to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, while others trust that the authority should take it response which the control of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
and restrict the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can earn. In this essay I will debate both aspects and give my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
below.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
by looking at the
first
side of the argument,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
took an international certificate can enter the work
easily
and take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
than others
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they know English
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
language and
they have certificates which popular. And, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
know and understand computer technologies such as hackers.
Moreover
, they can enter the variety accounts which there is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
money and
also
secret
therefore
, they can earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
amount of money. After that, around the world has sportsmen which football players they earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they try to win another
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
team and
they go after the foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
for champions. At least, in my point of view, state officials
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
try
strongly
and it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they.

Turning to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
side of the argument, the dominions in poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
facilities,
therefore
there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
which
are accumulated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
.
Secondly
, if wealthy republics
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
to workers, they will
be deprived
therefore
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
regulate worker's monthly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
.
Finally
, in my view, if
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
nation states control limit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
, in future it would be best for them and for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
economy.

Overall
, I
personally
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
work in offices or plants, regimes should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
them. If a person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
works in inferior places, management
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
low him or her.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowaday a large amount of advertising is aimed at children. Some people think this can have negative effects on children and should be band. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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