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The mobile phone is used both for work and personal phone calls at all times of the day, every day of the week. Do you think this has more positive or negative effects both for inviduals and society? v.1

The mobile phone is used both for work and personal phone calls at all times of the day, every day of the week. Do you think this has more positive or negative effects both for inviduals and society? v. 1
Education system across many countries has homework as the mandatory activity for school children. Although it is sometimes that by some people that pupils should not be given homework by their tutors, others believe that it plays a pivotal role in the academic studies of children. In my opinion, I consider the latter view because of its manifold benefits for children. On the one hand, some people and I feel that homework cannot be avoided for many reasons. Firstly, it allows teachers to measure the progress of the student’s potential level. As a result, tutors would be able to provide extra coaching to the required individuals. Secondly, it allows students to remember their subjects and help them to concentrate on the consecutive day’s classes efficiently. Thirdly, working on record work and assignments helps children to stay away from the electronic gadgets. For instance, a survey conducted by the UK government demonstrates that seventy percent of people feel that homework eliminates gadget addiction among children. On the other hand, quite a few people feel that homework should not be imposed by teachers as it has a detrimental effect on children. To begin with, homework does not allow children to spend their leisure time on extracurricular activities like cycling, cricket, and badminton, thereby causing stress physically and mentally. For example, extensive research conducted by the World Health Organization illustrated that ninety percent of the population feels that homework affects children’s physical and mental well-being. To conclude, despite the fact that homework has several demerits, I strongly believe that homework is an indispensable element of education systems which cannot be avoided for its multifarious benefits to children.
Education system across
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homework
as the mandatory activity for school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Although it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
that by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that pupils should not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homework
by their tutors, others believe that it plays a pivotal role in the academic studies of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. In my opinion, I consider the latter view
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its manifold benefits for children.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homework
cannot
be avoided
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons.
Firstly
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
teachers to measure the progress of the student’s potential level.
As a result
, tutors would be able to provide extra coaching to the required individuals.
Secondly
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
students to remember their subjects and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to concentrate on the consecutive day’s classes
efficiently
.
Thirdly
, working on record work and assignments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to stay away from the electronic gadgets.
For instance
, a survey conducted by the UK
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
demonstrates that seventy percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homework
eliminates gadget addiction among children.

On the other hand
, quite a few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homework
should not
be imposed
by teachers as it has a detrimental effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homework
does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to spend their leisure time on extracurricular activities like cycling, cricket, and badminton, thereby causing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
physically
and mentally.
For example
, extensive research conducted by the World Health Organization illustrated that ninety percent of the population
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feels
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homework
affects
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
physical and mental well-being.

To conclude
, despite the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homework
has several demerits, I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homework
is an indispensable element of education systems which cannot
be avoided
for its multifarious benefits to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Do you know what a foreign accent is? It’s a sign of bravery.
Amy Chua

IELTS essay The mobile phone is used both for work and personal phone calls at all times of the day, every day of the week. Do you think this has more positive or negative effects both for inviduals and society? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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