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Some people think that men and women have different qualities. Therefore, some certain jobs are suitable for men and some jobs are suitable for women. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.5

Some people think that men and women have different qualities. Therefore, some certain jobs are suitable for men and some jobs are suitable for women. v. 5
It is a common belief that each person has a gender-specific personalities and competence, thereby men and women should pursue a career based on their sex. While I think the belief, although sounds like a social prejudice, can be applied to most cases, I completely disagree with the deduction from it. On the one hand, it is a well-established fact that both genders have its own unique characters and abilities to a certain extent. From a social point view, mankind has had these distinguished features grouped as masculine and feminine traits throughout the history that makes people automatically assume every male and female to have a handful of characters in the corresponding group. For instance, men are usually seen as physically stronger than women, along with better analytical abilities, while women show distinct diligence, meticulousness and both higher physical and mental endurance, all of which has been proven by various valid scientific studies. In addition, from a historical perspective, the distinct difference of physical strength between the two genders, among many other causes, leads to the transition of human society from to matriarchy to patriarchy, where, until the near of modern days, the man holds the role of breadwinner and his wife accepts to be a housewife, taking care of the family. All the aforementioned facts serve as a clear evidence that men and women have some distinguishable qualities. On the other hand, I would argue that there is not any kind of profession that only men can do but not women because of several reasons. First of all, nowadays, most positions in fields like politics, science, business, etc. , or jobs that require significant vitality, are continued to be dominated by men, whilst the opposite sex is majoring in education or health-related occupations. The root of this problem is not due to the different qualities between the genders, it is the outdated stereotypes of society that women should not have access to higher education, better to stay at home and do household duties. As a consequence, many girls have been barred from going to university or acquiring higher degrees, who could have significantly contributed to the national pool of talent. Another reason should be considered is that there are virtually no male-specific jobs, except corrections officers in prison for male prisoners or religious official, and vice versa. Therefore, thanks to this overlooked fact, it's absolutely feasible for both men and women hold the same position in companies, state agencies, etc. In conclusion, while I support the view that the two genders are utterly disparate in term of characters and abilities, I wholeheartedly disagree that some certain jobs are suitable for men and some jobs are suitable for women.
It is a common belief that each person has a gender-specific personalities and competence, thereby
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should pursue a career based on their sex. While I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the belief, although sounds like a social prejudice, can
be applied
to most cases, I completely disagree with the deduction from it.

On the one hand, it is a well-established fact that both genders have its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
unique characters and abilities to a certain extent. From a social point view, mankind has had these distinguished features grouped as masculine and feminine traits throughout the history that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
automatically
assume every male and female to have a handful of characters in the corresponding group.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
are
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as
physically
stronger than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
, along with better analytical abilities, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
distinct diligence, meticulousness and both higher physical and mental endurance, all of which has
been proven
by various valid scientific studies.
In addition
, from a historical perspective, the distinct difference of physical strength between the two genders, among
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other causes, leads to the transition of human society from to matriarchy to patriarchy, where, until
The phrase 'the near of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'the' and 'of'.
the near of
modern days, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
holds the role of breadwinner and his wife accepts to be a housewife, taking care of the family. All the aforementioned facts serve as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
evidence that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
distinguishable qualities.

On the other hand
, I would argue that there is not any kind of profession that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
can do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of several reasons.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, nowadays, most positions in fields like politics, science, business, etc.
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
that require significant vitality,
are continued
to
be dominated
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
, whilst the opposite sex is majoring in education or health-related occupations. The root of this problem is not due to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
qualities between the genders, it is the outdated stereotypes of society that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should not have access to higher education, better to stay at home and do household duties. As a consequence,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
girls have
been barred
from going to university or acquiring higher degrees, who could have
significantly
contributed to the national pool of talent. Another reason should
be considered
is that there are
virtually
no male-specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, except corrections officers in prison for male prisoners or religious official, and vice versa.
Therefore
, thanks to this overlooked fact, it's
absolutely
feasible for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
hold the same position in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
, state agencies, etc.

In conclusion
, while I support the view that the two genders are
utterly
disparate in term of characters and abilities, I
wholeheartedly
disagree that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are suitable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are suitable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that men and women have different qualities. Therefore, some certain jobs are suitable for men and some jobs are suitable for women. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
449 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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