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ome parents think that reading entertainments book is useless for their children’s growth v.1

ome parents think that reading entertainments book is useless for their children’s growth v. 1
Education is always a heated topic around people’s life. Some parents think that reading entertainments book is useless for their children’s growth, they should spend all the time on serious educational books. Personally, I do not support this opinion. The reading entertainment book could beneficial children’s growth. Firstly, these books can provide the knowledge which not be found in text books. For instance, it is really hard to find knowledge about in dealing with people in textbooks, which usually fully covered by the theories and formulas. But children can learn some interpersonal knowledge and skills through reading stories and novels. Secondly, entertainments books update more frequently and provide diversified information to readers, such as news, science and technology reports. Textbooks usually renew the content once a year at most and be locked in a specific range, which is not good for children to broaden their horizon. Finally, children will have more to discuss with peers after they read entertainments books, which would be really helpful for youth making friends. A well-read child is always liked. However, everything has two sides, contents of entertainments books are too messy. Some information is not suitable for youth, such as sexual and violent stories and photos. Moreover, certain knowledge has written inside the entertainments could be wrong, because it’s not as rigorous as educational books. For example, some of the views in magazines just are recording the speaker’s personal opinion, but this opinion might not be proved by experts. Therefore, to avoid negative effects parents should help their children choose the reliable outside readings. In conclusion, reading the suitable entertainments can improve and broaden children’s knowledge. At the same time, parents should avoid the influence of poor content with their children.
Education is always a heated topic around
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
entertainments
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
is useless for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
growth, they should spend all the time on serious educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
.
Personally
, I do not support this opinion.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
entertainment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
could beneficial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
growth.
Firstly
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
can provide the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
which not
be found
in text
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
.
For instance
, it is
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
about in dealing with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in textbooks, which
usually
fully
covered by the theories and formulas.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
interpersonal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
stories and novels.
Secondly
, entertainments
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
update more
frequently
and provide diversified information to readers, such as news, science and technology reports. Textbooks
usually
renew the content once a year at most and
be locked
in a specific range, which is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to broaden their horizon.
Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will have more to discuss with peers after they read entertainments
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
, which would be
really
helpful for youth making friends. A well-read child is always liked.

However
, everything has two sides, contents of entertainments
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
are too messy.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
information is not suitable for youth, such as sexual and violent stories and photos.
Moreover
, certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
has written inside the entertainments could be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it’s not as rigorous as educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
.
For example
,
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
views in magazines
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
are recording the speaker’s personal opinion,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this opinion might not
be proved
by experts.
Therefore
, to avoid
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects parents should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
choose the reliable outside readings.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
the suitable entertainments can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
and broaden
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
. At the same time, parents should avoid the influence of poor content with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay ome parents think that reading entertainments book is useless for their children’s growth v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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