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Some people think that media should be allowed to publicize information on someone’s private life. Some other believe that media should be regulated in this regard. discuss both views and give your opinion v.1

Some people think that media should be allowed to publicize information on someone’s private life. Some other believe that media should be regulated in this regard. 1
Media have been proving to be the most powerful entity, whether it is Television, Newspapers, Magazine or YouTube. If used properly, it could make someone’s life, but if used negatively it could destroy it. Humans are extremely influenced by their image in the society. Therefore, they do several things just to be respected and honored in the society which makes them vulnerable. Hence, they kill their daughters in the name of honor, marry in certain tribes, so that they cannot be expelled from their community. Secondly, sometimes media force them to make crucial decisions and act otherwise. For instance, if the media report clashes between husband and wife, even if they are doing fine, they get under pressure and get divorced eventually. Thirdly, in recent days, television broadcast live court hearings which put judges and juries under pressure because the general public get involved and they kind of leads the verdicts of criminal. Finally, the media are also showing the beatings and the murders on the social networks, this affects the thinking pattern of youngsters and can influence to lead the footsteps as morally correct. Consequently, there should be regulations on what could be broadcasted and the strict penalties in case of breaking them. On the other hand, same media can affect someone’s life positively. Media brings talent in the limelight, which changes their life over-night and they become heroes from zero. For instance, one reporter published photos of extremely handsome Chai Wala from a remote small village of Mandi Baha ud din. He became a celebrity instantly and got several modelling contracts in no time. People who have extreme talent relating to handicraft, singing, painting and cooking, and cannot afford to go to cities to sell their talent can post their videos on YouTube and gets recognized for their work internationally. Interview with successful people about their daily life routine can direct the ordinary person to follow their footsteps to be successful, because this increases motivation level. In conclusion, I strongly believe that media has an essential role in society, which can be used for betterment of our next generation if used with precaution.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Media
have been proving to be the most powerful entity, whether it is Television, Newspapers, Magazine or YouTube. If
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
properly
, it could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
someone’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
negatively
it could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
it.

Humans are
extremely
influenced by their image in the society.
Therefore
, they do several things
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to
be respected
and honored in the society which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them vulnerable.
Hence
, they kill their daughters in the name of honor, marry in certain tribes,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they cannot
be expelled
from their community.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
force them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
crucial decisions and act
otherwise
.
For instance
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
report clashes between husband and wife, even if they are doing fine, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
under pressure and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
divorced
eventually
.
Thirdly
, in recent days, television broadcast
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
court hearings which put judges and juries under pressure
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
Consider using "public".
general public
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
involved and
they kind of leads the verdicts of criminal.
Finally
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
are
also
showing the beatings and the murders on the social networks, this affects the thinking pattern of youngsters and can influence to lead the footsteps as
morally
correct.
Consequently
, there should be regulations on what could
be broadcasted
and the strict penalties in case of breaking them.

On the other hand
, same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
can affect someone’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
positively
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Media
brings talent in the limelight, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
their
Did you mean "lives"?
life
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
over-night and
they become heroes from zero.
For instance
, one reporter published photos of
extremely
handsome Chai
Possible spelling mistake found.
Wala
from a remote
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
village of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Mandi
Baha
Possible spelling mistake found.
ud
din. He became a celebrity
instantly
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
several modelling contracts in no time.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
who have extreme talent relating to handicraft, singing, painting and cooking, and cannot afford to go to cities to sell their talent can post their videos on YouTube and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
recognized for their work
internationally
. Interview with successful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
about their daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
routine can direct the ordinary person to follow their footsteps to be successful,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this increases motivation level.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
has an essential role in society, which can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for betterment of our
next
generation if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
with precaution.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay Some people think that media should be allowed to publicize information on someone’s private life. Some other believe that media should be regulated in this regard. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
355 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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