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many people believe that overconsumption of refined sugar is a major problem in the world and should be regulated the same as tobacco and alcohol To what extent do you agree or disagree v.2

many people believe that overconsumption of refined sugar is a major problem in the world and should be regulated the same as tobacco and alcohol v. 2
Nowadays, white sugar is eaten by millions of people, which is 100 times more than the past. A large number of individuals opine that consuming an excessive amount of white sugar leads to different diseases like obesity, high blood pressure. I completely agree that refined sugar should be regulated the same as cigarettes and liquor. I will discuss the reasons and solutions of overconsumption white sugar should be controlled in further ensuring paragraphs. The higher amount of sugar products leads to a lower quality of life and many diseases. To explain this, millions of people consume junk-food candies and chocolates which has an excessive amount of sugar level, which increases the glucose and cholesterol level in the blood, which creates obesity, diabetes high blood pressure, and heart-diseases. For example, recently I read an article which stated that 65% of people suffering from diabetes due to consuming higher amount of sugar. Furthermore, overconsumption of concentrated sugar also affects society. To illustrates this when a large proportion of the people suffering from sugar-related diseases which means higher the medical cost. As a result, affected people are not contributing their best to society. There are many ways to control sugar products and concentrated sugar. Firstly, the government should make the law of age restriction as to the same tobacco and alcohol in order to safeguard children below 18. Secondly, the ministry of health should impose a higher tax on sugar and sugar-related products the same as cigarettes and liquor. For example, India times article stated that due to higher taxation on cigarettes and alcohol consumption of such products reduced drastically. Lastly, individuals should also take care of their health by own. A person knows their perfect diet than anyone else, so they should reduce the concentrated sugar in their daily diet. In conclusion, consuming an excessive amount of refined sugar causes many diseases that are directly and indirectly affecting individuals and society as well. By imposing higher taxation, age-restriction law by the health ministry and self-care by the individual, overconsumption of concentrated sugar can be controlled.
Nowadays, white
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
is eaten
by millions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, which is 100 times more than the past.
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
A large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
opine that consuming an excessive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of white
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
leads to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
like obesity, high blood pressure. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that refined
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
should
be regulated
the same as cigarettes and liquor. I will discuss the reasons and solutions of overconsumption white
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
should
be controlled
in
further
ensuring paragraphs.

The higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
leads to a lower quality of life and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
this, millions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consume junk-food candies and chocolates which has an excessive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
level, which increases the glucose and cholesterol level in the blood, which creates obesity, diabetes high blood pressure, and heart-diseases.
For example
, recently I read an article which stated that 65% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suffering from diabetes due to consuming higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
.
Furthermore
, overconsumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
concentrated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
also
affects society. To illustrates this when a large proportion of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suffering from sugar-related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
which means higher the medical cost.
As a result
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not contributing their best to society.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways to control
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
concentrated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
.
Firstly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the law of age restriction as to the same tobacco and alcohol in order to safeguard children below 18.
Secondly
, the ministry of health should impose a higher tax on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
and sugar-related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
the same as cigarettes and liquor.
For example
, India times article stated that due to higher taxation on cigarettes and alcohol consumption of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
drastically
.
Lastly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
should
also
take care of their health by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. A person knows their perfect diet than anyone else,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
concentrated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
in their daily diet.

In conclusion
, consuming an excessive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of refined
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
causes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
that are
directly
and
indirectly
affecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
and society
as well
. By imposing higher taxation, age-restriction law by the health ministry and self-care by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
, overconsumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
concentrated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
can
be controlled
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
40Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay many people believe that overconsumption of refined sugar is a major problem in the world and should be regulated the same as tobacco and alcohol v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
343 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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