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many people believe that overconsumption of refined sugar is a major problem in the world and should be regulated the same as tobacco and alcohol To what extent do you agree or disagree v.1

many people believe that overconsumption of refined sugar is a major problem in the world and should be regulated the same as tobacco and alcohol v. 1
Although it is said that if sports equipment all over the city increases, it would have a great result on people's health development, some other people believed that it would not be enough and some other factors should be weighed. In this essay, I am going to explain the different aspects of these diverse opinions. On the one hand, these days if we go to playgrounds and parks all over the city, we will face all kinds of facilities which are related to training. Besides, we would see many people who are working on that stuff to get healthier. Those people usually believed that staying fit is directly related to these kinds of activities, which are being done with those tools. Moreover, they thought that the more these sports tools developed, the greater the effects they would have had on their shape. On the other hand, some other people have a great idea for this situation. They agree with the number of sports facilities to be increased, but they believed that it would not be enough and other aspects should be considered. For example, they see healthiness in exercising besides having appropriate eating habits. They usually criticize those people who try hard with sports facilities and then go to a fast-food restaurant and eat a big hamburger which has a lot of calories. Therefore, they accept both exercising and having an acceptable food regime. In conclusion, I support this idea that exercising alone is not enough, and other factors should be measured. By this, I mean being healthy would come through if people consider all factors such as exercising, having proper food habits and also, sleeping enough.
Although it
is said
that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
equipment all over the city increases, it would have a great result on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's health development,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believed that it would not be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enough
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
factors should
be weighed
. In this essay, I am going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
aspects of these diverse opinions.

On the one hand, these days if we go to playgrounds and parks all over the city, we will face all kinds of facilities which
are related
to training.
Besides
, we would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are working on that stuff to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
healthier. Those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
usually
believed that staying fit is
directly
related to these kinds of activities, which are
being done
with those tools.
Moreover
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that the more these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
tools developed, the greater the effects they would have had on their shape.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
for this situation. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities to
be increased
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they believed that it would not be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enough
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
aspects should
be considered
.
For example
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
healthiness in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercising
besides
having appropriate eating habits. They
usually
criticize those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who try
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities and then go to a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-food restaurant and eat a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
hamburger which has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
calories.
Therefore
, they accept both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercising
and having an acceptable food regime.

In conclusion
, I support this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercising
alone is not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enough
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
factors should
be measured
. By this, I mean being healthy would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
through if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider all factors such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercising
, having proper food habits and
also
, sleeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enough
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages know nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay many people believe that overconsumption of refined sugar is a major problem in the world and should be regulated the same as tobacco and alcohol v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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