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In some countries celebrities complain about way about the way media publicize their private lives. Some people say that they should accept it as part of their fame. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

In some countries celebrities complain about way about the way media publicize their private lives. Some people say that they should accept it as part of their fame. v. 1
Celebrities are known and popular figure in society and it is seen on many occasions that media disclosed their private life to attract the viewers. However, I believe celebrity chooses name and fame and always want to be in limelight, but every individual has the right to protect his or her personal life. To begin with, indeed, it’s true that the key aim of bigwig is to attract the attention of the public and be the centre of discussion. Popularity is directly linked to their monetary benefit and it decides their impact on society or country. It is observed in many instances that big guns are engaged in doing abnormal activities like posting sultry images on social media, making derogatory remarks against political leaders and revealing ill stuff from their wardrobe and they put all these efforts just to be in public eye. Media houses are also given priority to such flaming news and they keep on showing to their viewers as a headline which in turn increase their rating and add more revenue to their business. However, every human wants to put a barrier in their special life and no one wants to make it public. Many celebrities are well known because their jobs put them in the spotlight like singer, actor, actress, sportsmen and many more. They should be allowed to relax, sit and enjoy with their loving ones. Being followed by paparazzi can be sometimes scary or deadly if heavy weight gets chased in their car. Take an example of Lady Diana, there was a speculation about her death that she died because she was stalked by media personnel and in the process of running away from them, her car met fatal accident. To conclude, every entity wants some sort of personal space and it shall be respected. Broadcasting companies must evaluate the news from all corners before making it public.
Celebrities
are known
and popular figure in society and it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
occasions that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
disclosed their private life to attract the viewers.
However
, I believe celebrity chooses name and fame and always
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to be in limelight,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
every individual has the right to protect
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
personal life.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
indeed
, it’s true that the key aim of bigwig is to attract the attention of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
and be the
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
of discussion. Popularity is
directly
linked to their monetary benefit and it decides their impact on society or country. It
is observed
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
instances that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
guns
are engaged
in doing abnormal activities like posting sultry images on social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
, making derogatory remarks against political leaders and revealing ill stuff from their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
wardrobe and
they put all these efforts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to be in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
eye.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Media
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
are
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
priority to such flaming
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
news and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
on showing to their viewers as a headline which in turn increase their rating and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
more revenue to their business.

However
, every human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wants
to put a barrier in their special life and no one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wants
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
celebrities are well known
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their jobs put them in the spotlight like singer, actor, actress, sportsmen and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more. They should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to relax, sit and enjoy with their loving ones.
Being followed
by paparazzi can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
scary or deadly if
Did you mean "heavyweight"?
heavy weight
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
chased in their car. Take an example of Lady Diana, there was a speculation about her death that she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
she
was stalked
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
personnel and in the process of running away from them, her car met fatal accident.

To conclude
, every entity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wants
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sort of personal space and it shall
be respected
. Broadcasting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
evaluate the news from all corners
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
making it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS essay In some countries celebrities complain about way about the way media publicize their private lives. Some people say that they should accept it as part of their fame. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
314 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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