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Famous people sometimes give their opinion on the public topic. Is this a good thing? Explain to what extent you agree or disagree? v.1

Famous people sometimes give their opinion on the public topic. Is this a good thing? Explain v. 1
People from different professions gets famous because of the new era of publicity and media. These could include the movie stars, singers, politicians and sports stars. Sometimes they take advantage of their popularity to promote values in the community. Famous people-like film stars, singers, cricketers live an illusionary life with little contact with the ground realities of this world. Hence, sometimes they act like “A knight in shining armor” and give their valuable suggestion about how to save the world. Therefore, I think it is completely out of context and should be avoided at all cost. Firstly, they earn an enormous amount of money and live an elite life far from the ordinary people. Therefore, when they pinpoint some issue, they give unreal solution. For example, Mishaal Khan one of best-known film star, suggest how every woman should work round the clock in her profession, which resulted in a huge outcry from the general public, because not everyone can afford to pay for the maids to do the house work and babysit. Ordinary female has to handle all chores of the house, in addition to taking care of their children. Secondly, some celebrities give statements, which are totally contradictory to what they do themselves. For Instance, they raise the slogan against rape, while they wear negligible clothes and instill low moral values in the society, or they talk against the dowry while spending millions on their own weddings. On the other hands, some people who get hype of fame are doctors, lawyers, politicians. These meet with people relating to every walk of life on a daily basis. Mostly, who are in dire need of help and right now at the lowest level of their life with depression and anxiety, hence, they have firsthand experience of people’s life. When they suggest some things for the betterment of society, it should be considered and tried to be implemented by all means. For example, Dr. Shireen is one of children specialist, if she gives her opinion about children vaccination and hygienic issues, it should be promoted. In conclusion, various professions have different level of credibility against them, if they promote health, moral values and law, we should completely respect it.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
professions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the new era of publicity and media. These could include the movie
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stars
, singers, politicians and sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stars
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
they take advantage of their popularity to promote values in the community.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Famous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
-like film
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stars
, singers, cricketers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
an illusionary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
contact with the ground realities of this world.
Hence
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
they act like “A knight in shining armor” and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
their valuable suggestion about how to save the world.
Therefore
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is completely out of context and should
be avoided
at all cost.
Firstly
, they earn an enormous amount of money and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
an elite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
far from the ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Therefore
, when they pinpoint
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
issue, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
unreal solution.
For example
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Mishaal
Khan one of best-known film star, suggest how every woman should work round the clock in her profession, which resulted in a huge outcry from the
Consider using "public".
general public
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
not everyone can afford to pay for the maids to do the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
work and babysit. Ordinary female
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
handle all chores of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
,
in addition
to taking care of their children.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
celebrities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
statements, which are
totally
contradictory to what they do themselves.
For Instance
, they raise the slogan against rape, while they wear negligible clothes and instill low moral values in the society, or they talk against the dowry while spending millions on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
weddings.

On the other hands,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
hype of fame are doctors, lawyers, politicians. These
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
relating to every walk of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
on a daily basis.
Mostly
, who are in dire need of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
and right
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
at the lowest level of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
with depression and anxiety,
hence
, they have firsthand
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "experienced".
experience
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. When they suggest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
things for the betterment of society, it should
be considered
and tried to
be implemented
by all means.
For example
, Dr.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Shireen
is one of children specialist, if she
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gives
her opinion about children vaccination and hygienic issues, it should
be promoted
.

In conclusion
, various professions have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
level of credibility against them, if they promote health, moral values and law, we should completely respect it.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Famous people sometimes give their opinion on the public topic. Is this a good thing? Explain v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
367 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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