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In education and employment, some people work harder than others. Why do some people work harder? Is it always a good thing to work hard? v.4

Some people are more diligent and industrious than others in whatever area they are working or studying in. In my perspective, working hard is extremely necessary for reaching success in life, however, this is not always the case. To begin with, there are a number of different reasons to be taken into consideration as to why some people try to aim higher in their learning and work much more than others do. Firstly, hard work can result in easier and smoother learning and working process. Since these people are working hard now, there is a great chance that they will be shortlisted nominee to be promoted to a higher level in their jobs( general director, manager). Secondly, hard work is a great example for our kids and future generations. When we strive to do our best in work or in school, children notice that. Personally, the most crucial character trait I hope to pass on to my children is how important to work hard is in life. Moreover, it is worth mentioning several drawbacks for this issue. If individuals are too concentrated on learning or work, they might find themselves isolated from the public (friends, family) surrounding them. This in fact can have a negative impact on both their physical and mental health. Given the fact that most of the days they spent on solving some problems in their works or assignments in school. This means that they are in lack of time to recover and relax from a stressful day. In conclusion, even though there are still some drawbacks, in my opinion, it is better to work hard and reach all your goals rather than sit and be an ordinary student or worker
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are more diligent and industrious than others in whatever area they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
or studying in. In my perspective,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
is
extremely
necessary for reaching success in life,
however
, this is not always the case.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are a number of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
reasons to
be taken
into consideration as to why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
try to aim higher in their learning and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
much more than others do.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
can result in easier and smoother learning and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
process. Since these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, there is a great chance that they will
be shortlisted
nominee to
be promoted
to a higher level in their jobs
Don’t put a space after the opening parenthesis.
(
general director, manager).
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is a great example for our kids and future generations. When we strive to do our best in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
or in school, children notice that.
Personally
, the most crucial character trait I hope to pass on to my children is how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
is in life.

Moreover
, it is worth mentioning several drawbacks for this issue. If individuals are too concentrated on learning or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, they might find themselves isolated from the public (friends, family) surrounding them. This in fact can have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on both their physical and mental health.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
the fact that most of the days they spent on solving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems in their works or assignments in school. This means that they are in lack of time to recover and relax from a stressful day.

In conclusion
,
even though
there are
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks, in my opinion, it is better to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
and reach all your goals
rather
than sit and be an ordinary student or worker
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IELTS essay in education and employment, some people work harder than others. Why do soe people work harder? Is it always a good thing to work hard?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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