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Some people think that media have the right to publish details of people's private lives, while others think it should be controlled. Discuss both views. v.2

Some people think that media have the right to publish details of people's private lives, while others think it should be controlled. v. 2
The media involvement in the personal lives of the people is debated with one view supporting a freelance approach, while the others say it requires to be regulated in this regard. This essay will outline the right to information and checks over officials in support of the free media and the social and the familial stresses in favour of controlling the media. On the one hand, the first reason for freeing the publishers to write about the private lives of others, is the right to information. In the modern era of awareness and rights, many think that nothing should be kept hidden from the public which must know about the lives of the people especially their leaders and heroes. The publish of Bill Clinton's love letters to Monika is an example. The second basis for allowing the TV and the newspaper to look into personal affairs is check on the officials. The public servants are prevented from misusing government resources. Any employee doing this knows that he might be brought into the limelight by some reporter leading to institutional punishment, so, the authority use for personal gains in curbed. For instance, in the Pakistan, the PEMRA has given the information industry a free access to the government institutions. On the other hand, an uncontrolled trend in this aspect has led to many problems. Leaking of the private issues leads to embarrassment for the individuals. This creates rifts in the relationships of family members. The social standings of the person get compromised, which can result in loss of job and even split in the family. For example, Hillary Clinton had stressed relations with her husband during Monika's scandal. In conclusion, unchecked involvement of the media is because of the right to know and controlling the employees, however, disturbances in the society and families demand that the media ought be observed.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
involvement in the personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
is debated
with one view supporting a freelance approach, while the others say it requires to
be regulated
in this regard. This essay will outline the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
to information and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
checks
over officials in support of the free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
and the social and the familial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stresses
in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of controlling the media.

On the one hand, the
first
reason for freeing the publishers to write about the private
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of others, is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
to information. In the modern era of awareness and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rights
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that nothing should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
hidden from the public which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
know about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
especially
their leaders and heroes. The
Did you mean the noun "publishing"?
publish
of Bill Clinton's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
letters to Monika is an example. The second basis for allowing the TV and the newspaper to look into personal affairs is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
on the officials.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
public servants are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
from misusing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
resources. Any employee doing this knows that he might
be brought
into the limelight by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reporter leading to institutional punishment,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, the authority
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
for personal gains in curbed.
For instance
, in the Pakistan, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
PEMRA
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the information industry
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "free access".
a free access
to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
institutions.

On the other hand
, an uncontrolled trend in this aspect has led to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems. Leaking of the private issues leads to embarrassment for the individuals. This creates rifts in the relationships of family members. The social standings of the person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
compromised, which can result in loss of job and even split in the family.
For example
, Hillary Clinton had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
relations with her husband during Monika's scandal.

In conclusion
, unchecked involvement of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
to know and controlling the employees,
however
, disturbances in the society and families demand that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
ought
be observed
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay Some people think that media have the right to publish details of people's private lives, while others think it should be controlled. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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