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People should choose their course of study not on the basis of their own interests, but based on the kinds of jobs they can get. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.1

People should choose their course of study not on the basis of their own interests, but based on the kinds of jobs they can get. with this statement? v. 1
Education always played an important role in providing knowledge to people. A number of people argue that courses should be opted based on the job opportunities, while others think it should be based on personal interest. I would like to discuss both the views of this topic in this essay. To begin with, people who intend to get jobs should focus on courses that help them achieve jobs in their career path. This is because the courses that were chosen will provide them with knowledge that is required to work in a company. For instance, students who choose programming languages like Java and Python have already mastered the skills to code in college and will be ready to work in company without training. In addition to that, they will have hands on experience on projects and are exposed to critical and redundant problems. To illustrate, students will be aware of real world technical problem that might occur during the project saving both time and money for the company. On the other hand, people who are interested in a particular course work should pursue their interest. This might solve critical problems that have not been solved previously, helping society. For example, some students are interested in solving energy storage problem with the help of graphine batteries, as it was not solved from many centuries. Furthermore, showing interest in new paths may open up new job opportunities and help create new jobs and solve problems at the same time. In conclusion, people who are focused to get jobs must take courses that help them to excel in job opportunity, while the other who are interested in solving new and challenging problem should focus on their interested course work.
Education always played an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in providing knowledge to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. A number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
should
be opted
based on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunities, while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it should
be based
on personal interest. I would like to discuss both the views of this topic in this essay.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
intend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
should focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them achieve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
in their career path. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
that
were chosen
will provide them with knowledge that
is required
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.
For instance
, students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
choose programming languages like Java and Python have already mastered the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to code in college and will be ready to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
without training.
In addition
to that, they will have hands on experience on projects and
are exposed
to critical and redundant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. To illustrate, students will be aware of real world technical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
that might occur during the project saving both time and money for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interested
in a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
should pursue their interest. This might solve critical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
that have not
been solved
previously, helping society.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
students are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interested
in solving energy storage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
graphine
batteries, as it was not solved from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
centuries.
Furthermore
, showing interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
paths may open up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunities and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
create
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
and solve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
at the same time.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are focused
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to excel in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunity, while the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interested
in solving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
and challenging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
should focus on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interested
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay People should choose their course of study not on the basis of their own interests, but based on the kinds of jobs they can get. with this statement? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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