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Some parents believe that children need strict rules. Other parents believe children should have a lot of freedom to make decisions on their own. Discuss both sides and give your opinion. v.1

Some parents believe that children need strict rules. Other parents believe children should have a lot of freedom to make decisions on their own. v. 1
Establishing rules with children can be complicated. Young children look to their parents for security and order, and rules are one important way they acquire this sense. However, as they mature, young people need room to make decisions so they can develop an independent sense of responsibility towards themselves and others. For this reason, I believe that while children need clear and consistently enforced rules, they should not be restricted so severely that they have very few opportunities to think independently. Most children are subjected to rules they dislike. However, when the purpose of a rule is communicated clearly and the parents’ enforcement is fair and consistent, a rule can help children to learn how to take on responsibility and act appropriately. For example, at a certain age, very young kids are capable of cleaning up their own messes, but often they must be told to do so. The child must be taught, through rules and repetition, that taking responsibility for one’s own messes is important. As another example, many teenagers don’t always think through the consequences of their actions fully before they act. Indeed, brain research has shown that teenagers are more likely to act impulsively because their brains are wired to do so. This is why parents should be very firm about rules that prevent risky or otherwise negative behaviors. Nevertheless, parents should not be overbearing. The goal of parenting should be to prepare a child to make independent choices that will lead to a happy and fulfilling life. The best way to achieve this goal is to grant more and more freedom as the child progresses towards adulthood. For example, at some point a child must learn to take school work seriously and help out around the house. The ultimate goal is for the child to internalize the desire to be a good student and a helpful housemate. If parents fail to demonstrate trust by allowing some freedom for their children to try (and sometimes fail) to do the right things independently, it is likely that the child will act out against strict rules rather than internalize them. Of course, every child will respond to rules differently. This is yet another reason why it’s important for parents to find appropriate balance. While parents should enforce rules with consistency and clarity, they should constantly seek opportunities for a child to show that he or she can act the right way independently.
Establishing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
be complicated
. Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
look to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
for security and order, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
are one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
way they acquire this sense.
However
, as they mature, young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
need room to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
decisions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can develop an independent sense of responsibility towards themselves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
.
For this reason
, I believe that while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
need
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
and
consistently
enforced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
, they should not
be restricted
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
severely
that they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
few opportunities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
independently
.

Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are subjected
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
they dislike.
However
, when the purpose of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rule
is communicated
clearly
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
enforcement is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
and consistent, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rule
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to learn how to take on responsibility and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
act
appropriately
.
For example
, at a certain age,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
young kids are capable of cleaning up their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
messes,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be taught
, through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
and repetition, that taking responsibility for one’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
messes is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. As another example,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
don’t always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
through the consequences of their actions
fully
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
act
.
Indeed
, brain research has shown that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are more likely to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
act
impulsively
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their brains
are wired
to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
. This is why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
firm about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
risky or
otherwise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
behaviors.

Nevertheless
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should not be overbearing. The goal of parenting should be to prepare a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
independent choices that will lead to a happy and fulfilling life. The best way to achieve this goal is to grant more and more freedom as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
progresses towards adulthood.
For example
, at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
point a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
learn to take school work
seriously
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
out around the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
. The ultimate goal is for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
to internalize the desire to be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
student and a helpful housemate. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
fail to demonstrate trust by allowing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
freedom for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to try (and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
fail) to do the right things
independently
, it is likely that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
act
out against strict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
rather
than internalize them.

Of course
, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
will respond to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
differently
. This is
yet
another reason why it’s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to find appropriate balance. While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should enforce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
with consistency and clarity, they should
constantly
seek opportunities for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that he or she can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
act
the right way
independently
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
37Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some parents believe that children need strict rules. Other parents believe children should have a lot of freedom to make decisions on their own. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
403 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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