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Some parents want their children to read only serious educational books at all times. They don’t want their children to read any entertaiment books because they think it is wast of time. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some parents want their children to read only serious educational books at all times. They don’t want their children to read any entertaiment books because they think it is wast of time. v. 2
There are reports about how some parents prefer their children to concentrate on reading educational books rather than reading other books that contain distracting details as they see it as a waste of time. I totally disagree with parents that has such assumption that reading books that contain news or details about entertainment is a waste of time. In this essay, I will be giving so salient points to support why I disagree with those parents. Firstly, parents need to understand that not all of their children will end up being a medical doctor or lecturer. In this present world that we are, entertainment is becoming an industry where many people make a good living out of it and also become a role model for the growing population of children. For example, in the Hollywood, we have seen many actors and actress who performed excellently and become a role model to many children. Secondly, some entertaining books that contain scientific or friction details also help to improve the mind of many children. For example, I have witnessed at different locations where the ability of my cousin to read and respond to details was improved by allowing the kid to read, entertaining books as it was observed that he respond and improved very well to issues when allowed to read this book. In conclusion, parents should encourage to allow their children to read entertainment books as it has a positive impact on the ability of many children.
There are reports about how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
prefer their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to concentrate on reading educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
rather
than reading other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
that contain distracting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
details
as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
it as a waste of time. I
totally
disagree with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
that has such assumption that reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
that contain news or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
details
about entertainment is a waste of time. In this essay, I will be giving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
salient points to support why I disagree with those parents.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
need to understand that not all of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up being a medical doctor or lecturer. In this present world that we are, entertainment is becoming an industry where
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
living out of it and
also
become a role model for the growing population of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
For example
, in the Hollywood, we have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
actors and actress who performed
excellently
and become a role model to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
children.

Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
entertaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
that contain scientific or friction
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
details
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the mind of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
For example
, I have witnessed at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
locations where the ability of my cousin to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
read
and respond to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
details
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
by allowing the kid to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
read
, entertaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
as it
was observed
that he respond and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well to issues when
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
read
this book.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should encourage to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
read
entertainment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
as it has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on the ability of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
I love commuting between languages just like I love commuting between cultures and cities.
Elif Safak

IELTS essay Some parents want their children to read only serious educational books at all times. They don’t want their children to read any entertaiment books because they think it is wast of time. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
246 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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