Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people say that raising the price of fast foods will solve the problems. To what extend do you agree or disagree? v.3

More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people say that raising the price of fast foods will solve the problems. v. 3
In many countries around the world, a large number of people are getting obese. It is argued by some people that raising the price of high-fat food will reduce its consumption and thereby people’s overweight issue will be addressed. I disagree with the opinion because some people are addicted to fast food which contains high amount of fat and simply increasing the price will not cut down their fat intake. There are some other additional reasons for my view which will be stated in this essay. The most compelling reason for holding my view is that many youngsters are not ready to avoid ready-made food and its unique taste just because of a rise in price. Therefore, they continue to consume high-fat food items and ignore their health problems. For instance, McDonald’s outlets around the world deliver food which contains enormous amount of saturated fat. However, a study found that most people prefer McDonald food over healthy alternatives because of its distinctive taste. Thus, people are ready to buy those foods even for a higher price. Secondly, high-fat foods are not the only reason for obesity among people. Nowadays, a large number of people are leading a sedentary lifestyle which is considered as one of the major reasons for obesity. Therefore, physical exercise plays a vital role in maintaining a healthy body. Due to this reason, increasing the price of fatty foods does not solely address the overweight problem. In conclusion, I totally disagree with the opinion that increasing the price of fattening food is the ideal solution to control overweight of people. People are ready to pay higher price for foods which are easily available and having pleasant taste even if the fat content is higher. In addition, I believe that encouraging / promoting physical exercise is more crucial for maintaining body weight than regulating fatty food.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries around the world,
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are getting obese. It
is argued
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that raising the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
of high-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
its consumption and thereby
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
overweight issue will
be addressed
. I disagree with the opinion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are addicted
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
which contains high amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fat
and
simply
increasing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
down their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fat
intake. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other additional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
for my view which will
be stated
in this essay.

The most compelling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
for holding my view is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
youngsters are not ready to avoid ready-made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and its unique taste
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of a rise in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
.
Therefore
, they continue to consume high-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
items and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
their health problems.
For instance
, McDonald’s outlets around the world deliver
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
which contains enormous amount of saturated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fat
.
However
, a study found that most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer McDonald
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
over healthy alternatives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its distinctive taste.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are ready to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
even for a higher price.

Secondly
, high-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
are not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
for obesity among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Nowadays,
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are leading a sedentary lifestyle which
is considered
as one of the major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
for obesity.
Therefore
, physical exercise plays a vital role in maintaining a healthy body. Due to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
, increasing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
of fatty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
does not
solely
address the overweight problem.

In conclusion
, I
totally
disagree with the opinion that increasing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
of fattening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is the ideal solution to control overweight of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are ready to pay higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
which are
easily
available and having pleasant taste even if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fat
content is higher.
In addition
, I believe that encouraging / promoting physical exercise is more crucial for maintaining body weight than regulating fatty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
37Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people say that raising the price of fast foods will solve the problems. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
308 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts