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Some people think that managerial posts in private companies and in government are more suitable for men. Others think that given the opportunity women can be successful managers. v.3

Some people think that managerial posts in private companies and in government are more suitable for men. Others think that given the opportunity women can be successful managers. v. 3
People have different opinions about leadership in a corporation or government institution. A group of people believe that managerial and similar high-level positions should only be occupied by men, while others think that women could also be  good leaders. The following essay will discuss both views, but I personally believe that competency is the most important aspect in term of leadership. For a number of reasons, many people believe that men should be the leaders in companies or government bodies. Firstly, based on the psychological approach, men use ratio when they make decisions. Therefore they decisions would be more logical and reasonable. Secondly, men are the better decision makers when they have to make a sudden or urgent choice. Again certain jobs demand responsibilities that could be better performed by man than women. On the other hand, another group of people believe that women should also be given the chance to occupy important positions in a company. They believe that leaders should not be elected based on genders, but based on their competency. They also believe that leader is not purely a natural gift, as leadership could also be learned. Some of the examples would be Margaret Thatcher who successfully led England in the eighties and Hillary Clinton who became one of the ministers in the USA and now running for the presidential election.   These women have shown that they have all the competencies of becoming a good leader. In conclusion, some people still believe that gender would have a significant effect on leadership, but I disagree with the statement.   I personally believe that competency and experience of the individual, be it a man of woman is the most important aspect of choosing a leader in an organisation.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
opinions about leadership in a corporation or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
institution. A group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that managerial and similar high-level positions should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be occupied
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
, while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that women could
also
be
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leaders
. The following essay will discuss both views,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
personally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competency
is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
aspect in term of leadership.

For a number of reasons,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
should be the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leaders
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
bodies.
Firstly
, based on the psychological approach,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
ratio when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
decisions.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
they
The pronoun 'they' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "decision"
decisions
would be more logical and reasonable.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
are the better decision makers when they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a sudden or urgent choice. Again certain jobs demand responsibilities that could be better performed by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
than women.

On the other hand
, another group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that women should
also
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the chance to occupy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
positions in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leaders
should not
be elected
based on genders,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
based on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competency
. They
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leader
is not
purely
a natural gift, as leadership could
also
be learned
.
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
Some of the
examples would be Margaret Thatcher who
successfully
led England in the eighties and Hillary Clinton who became one of the ministers in the USA and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
running for the presidential election.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
These women have shown that they have all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competencies
of becoming a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
leader.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
still
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that gender would have a significant effect on leadership,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I disagree with the statement.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
I
personally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competency
and experience of the individual, be it a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
of woman is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
aspect of choosing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leader
in an
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that managerial posts in private companies and in government are more suitable for men. Others think that given the opportunity women can be successful managers. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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