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Some people think that large, impressive buildings are important for a city. Others believe that the money should be spent on improving schools and hospitals. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.2

Some people think that large, impressive buildings are important for a city. Others believe that the money should be spent on improving schools and hospitals. v. 2
The government has always been dealing with the problem of spending the budget of a country or a city on a right issue, since the amount of the budget is limited. Although some people may argue that the money should be spent on enhancing educational systems and healthcare centres, others may believe that the money should be spent on constructing impressive buildings which are important for a city. As mentioned, some people believe that impressive buildings are important for a city. I agree with that to some degree. Considering diverse materials and technologies used for constructing such a building, altogether with the implemented architecture, it will eventually become a symbol of that city. If that building is successful in drawing attention to itself, more and more people would want to visit the city, leading to the improvement of the economy of the city. However, I strongly believe that schools and hospitals should not put aside and governments should pay close attention to improve them too. Improved schools mean that more children can receive a proper education and in my opinion it is a farsighted investment. Similarly, people will benefit from improved hospitals and healthcare centres as more people would have access to these places and less people would suffer from diseases. In conclusion, I believe that both views are relevant, Impressive and extraordinary buildings are important for a city as they can resemble for that city and draw more attention to it. This can be considerably advantageous in different aspects. On the other hand, improving schools and hospitals should also be considered as an option to spend money on, because it can highly improve living conditions for people, especially children.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
has always been dealing with the problem of spending the budget of a country or a city on a right issue, since the amount of the budget
is limited
. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may argue that the money should
be spent
on enhancing educational systems and healthcare
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
, others may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that the money should
be spent
on constructing impressive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for a city.

As mentioned,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that impressive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for a city. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with that to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
degree. Considering diverse materials and technologies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for constructing such a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
, altogether with the implemented architecture, it will
eventually
become a symbol of that city. If that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
is successful in drawing attention to itself, more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would want to visit the city, leading to the improvement of the economy of the city.

However
, I
strongly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that schools and hospitals should not put aside and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should pay close attention to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
them too.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Improved
schools mean that more children can receive a proper education and in my opinion it is a farsighted investment.
Similarly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will benefit from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
hospitals and healthcare
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
as more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would have access to these places and
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun people is countable.
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would suffer from diseases.

In conclusion
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that both views are relevant, Impressive and extraordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for a city as they can resemble for that city and draw more attention to it. This can be
considerably
advantageous in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
aspects.
On the other hand
, improving schools and hospitals should
also
be considered
as an option to spend money on,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it can
highly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
living conditions for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
children.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that large, impressive buildings are important for a city. Others believe that the money should be spent on improving schools and hospitals. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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