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Some People Think That Large, Impressive Buildings Are Important For A City. Others Believe That The Money Should Be Spent On Improving Schools And Hospitals. Discuss Both These Views And Give Your Own Opinion v.3

Some People Think That Large, Impressive Buildings Are Important For A City. Others Believe That The Money Should Be Spent On Improving Schools And Hospitals. 3
One of the most common issue in our modern world is whether attractive buildings are essential for a city or the money should be invested in developing education and health system. Although both opinions have their own merits, I would lean forward the latter. To begin with, those who support imposing buildings often claim that most high-rise buildings are beneficial to an urban area in economic growth by attracting tourist. Actually, this is a good way for a city to generate income from outside sources. Instead of taking money from the citizens, people from other countries bring money into your city which helps your city to proper. Another angle can be seen in the fact that accommodation for citizens is provided. It is true that land resource in many modern inner city such as Ho Chi Minh and Ha Noi are becoming scarce and pricy. The high remarkable buildings are a best solution to improve the living standard. The last issue worth mentioning is that outlets or shops really need space in order to do business. Most enterprises lease departments in malls or shopping centres where there are a lot of passers by here. This method helps businesses operate more favourable. On the other hand, people with a contrasting argue that the government must make sure that their citizens are looked after. If there are not enough schools or the schools are not having adequate facilities, the students will not receive an abundant source of knowledge. Similarly, if the inhabitantsdo not enough health, they cannot work or service their city, which leads the economy reduced rapidly. Probably, to those holding an oppositestandpoint, there is some truth in the idea that the development of the city does not depend on high buildings, but on public services for the whole population such as hospitals and schools. In particular, if there is an outbreak of deadly diseases or natural catastrophes, the work of many paramedics and health care providers will be what humans suffering from those situations truly need, not large stunning high-rises. In conclusion, there are tangible advantages for a city by contributing to large buildings or hospitals and schools. However, schools and hospitals should be given priority consideration as they provide indispensable services.
One of the most common
Please check whether a plural form of 'issue' should be used.
issue
in our modern world is whether attractive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
are essential for a city or the money should
be invested
in developing education and health system. Although both opinions have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
merits, I would lean forward the latter.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, those who support imposing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
claim that most high-rise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
are beneficial to an urban area in economic growth by attracting tourist. Actually, this is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way for a city to generate income from outside sources.
Instead
of taking money from the citizens,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from other countries bring money into your city which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
your city to proper. Another angle can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the fact that accommodation for citizens
is provided
. It is true that land resource in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
modern inner city such as Ho Chi Minh and Ha
Possible spelling mistake found.
Noi
are becoming scarce and
Possible spelling mistake found.
pricy
. The high remarkable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
are
Use "the" with the superlative.
a
best solution to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the living standard. The last issue worth mentioning is that outlets or shops
really
need space in order to do business. Most enterprises lease departments in malls or shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
where there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
passers by
here. This method
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
businesses operate more
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with a contrasting argue that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that their citizens
are looked
after. If there are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
or the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are not having adequate facilities, the students will not receive an abundant source of knowledge.
Similarly
, if the
Possible spelling mistake found.
inhabitantsdo
not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
health, they cannot work or service their city, which leads the economy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
rapidly
.
Probably
, to those holding an
Possible spelling mistake found.
oppositestandpoint
, there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
truth in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that the development of the city does not depend on high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
on public services for the whole population such as hospitals and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
In particular
, if there is an outbreak of deadly diseases or natural catastrophes, the work of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
paramedics and health care providers will be what humans suffering from those situations
truly
need, not large stunning high-rises.

In conclusion
, there are tangible advantages for a city by contributing to large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
or hospitals and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and hospitals should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
priority consideration as they provide indispensable services.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Some People Think That Large, Impressive Buildings Are Important For A City. Others Believe That The Money Should Be Spent On Improving Schools And Hospitals. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
372 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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