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Some people think that large, impressive buildings are important for a city. Others believe that the money should be spent on improving schools and hospitals. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.4

Some people think that large, impressive buildings are important for a city. Others believe that the money should be spent on improving schools and hospitals. v. 4
In this day and age, a lot of impressive buildings and enormous architectures are constructed in many countries. While the government is investing in large buildings, I believe that hospitals and schools are very essential to develop and need more attention from the authorities. First and foremost, a convincing reason to construct large, impressive buildings is that these buildings perform multiple functions brings many benefits for people. It's able to include residential areas, shopping centres and offices in one large and tall buildings. For example, everyone thinks it’s very convenient because you don’t need to spend about 30 minutes to go the supermarket, now it's in the same place as where you live. Moreover, these buildings are a part of the nation’s culture and a reflection of the country’s prosperity. When you visit any country, you notice the building that stands out, you are willing to spend money to see it. This brings income to local citizens. However, the government must also make sure that their citizens are looked after. Improving schools and hospitals are good choices to invest money. Improving hospitals can guarantee social welfare, which helps to maintain social and political stability and pave the way for developing economy. Similarly, if citizens don’t have enough healthcare, they can’t work and serve their country. It makes the countries increasingly downward. The last issue worth mentioning is that investment in education is the key to a civilized society. For example, if schools provide qualified education it will increase knowledge and literacy rate. Furthermore, citizens are able to find well-paying jobs to develop the economy and crime rate decreases. In conclusion, I think that both views are relevant. While some large, impressive buildings for a city should be built, the authorities should also spend money on improving health care systems and education.
In this day and age,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
impressive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
and enormous architectures
are constructed
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. While the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
is investing in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
, I believe that hospitals and schools are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
essential to develop and need more attention from the authorities.

First
and foremost, a convincing reason to construct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
, impressive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
is that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
perform multiple functions brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. It's able to include residential areas, shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
and offices in one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
and tall
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
.
For example
, everyone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
it’s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
convenient
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
you don’t need to spend about 30 minutes to go the supermarket,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
it's in the same place as where you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.
Moreover
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
are a part of the nation’s culture and a reflection of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
prosperity. When you visit any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, you notice the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
that stands out, you are willing to spend money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
it. This brings income to local citizens.

However
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that their citizens
are looked
after. Improving schools and hospitals are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
choices to invest money. Improving hospitals can guarantee social welfare, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to maintain social and political stability and pave the way for developing economy.
Similarly
, if citizens don’t have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
healthcare, they can’t work and serve their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
increasingly
downward. The last issue worth mentioning is that investment in education is the key to a civilized society.
For example
, if schools provide qualified education it will increase knowledge and literacy rate.
Furthermore
, citizens are able to find well-paying jobs to develop the economy and crime rate decreases.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that both views are relevant. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
, impressive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
for a city should
be built
, the authorities should
also
spend money on improving health care systems and education.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay Some people think that large, impressive buildings are important for a city. Others believe that the money should be spent on improving schools and hospitals. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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