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Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that video games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits? v.2

Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that video games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits? v. 2
Nowadays, video games have been so popular among children as well as adults. In my opinion, although playing video games does have various benefits, its negative outcomes are greater. On the one hand, if people play video games in a reasonable period of time, they would enjoy supprising benefits beyond entertainment. One of the main advantages is that players would improve problem-solving skills. This is because video games involve certain tasks that players need to resolve in order to win or to advance to the next level. As a result, players have to think carefully before making any move which will determine whether they can progress or fail. Moreover, when gaming, people indulge their brain in constant stimulation, both visual and audial. Therefore, those playing games frequently can process stimulators faster than others, which means their brain performance is better. On the other hand, I believe that excessive gaming do more harm than good for people. When video games become a source of addiction, players would spend as much time as possible in front of the screen instead of playing outdoors. This would not only hurt their vision but also their physical development. Gamers may also suffer from the feeling of loneliness and isolation because they do not actively expand their network of real friends, which may become a reason for why they are even more addicted to video games. Another harmful effect of exposure to video games is that it may lead to sleep deprivation. Bedtime may be sacrificed for beating the final boss or rescuing the princess, and continuous stimulation can make it harder to fall asleep or get a good night’s sleep. In conclusion, I think video games’ potential dangers are more significant than the positive effects. Therefore, people should play games less and instead spent more time on socializing and doing exercise.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
popular among children
as well
as adults. In my opinion, although playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
does have various benefits, its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
outcomes are greater.

On the one hand, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
in a reasonable period of time, they would enjoy
Possible spelling mistake found.
supprising
benefits beyond entertainment. One of the main advantages is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
problem-solving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
involve certain tasks that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
need to resolve in order to win or to advance to the
next
level.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
carefully
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
making any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
which will determine whether they can progress or fail.
Moreover
, when gaming,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
indulge their brain in constant stimulation, both visual and audial.
Therefore
, those playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
frequently
can process stimulators faster than others, which means their brain performance is better.

On the other hand
, I believe that excessive gaming do more harm than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
become a source of addiction,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
would spend as much time as possible in front of the screen
instead
of playing outdoors. This would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
hurt their vision
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
their physical development. Gamers may
also
suffer from the feeling of loneliness and isolation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not
actively
expand their network of real friends, which may become a reason for why they are even more addicted to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. Another harmful effect of exposure to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is that it may lead to sleep deprivation. Bedtime may
be sacrificed
for beating the final boss or rescuing the princess, and continuous stimulation can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it harder to fall asleep or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
night’s sleep.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games’
potential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
are more significant than the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
less and
instead
spent more time on socializing and doing exercise.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that video games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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