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Some people think that job satisfaction is more important than job security, while some people think that they cannot always expect job satisfaction, a permanent job is more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.6

Some people choose high paying jobs. Others prefer jobs they find satisfying even if the salary is low. While I admit that it is important to earn enough to make a living, in my opinion, job satisfaction is more important than the size of the pay package. Job satisfaction increases productivity. If people like their jobs, no one has to force them to go to work. No one has to supervise them. They will perform their job on their own and with utmost interest and concentration. This interest that they show will automatically improve the results and help them achieve more in less time. By contrast, people who choose a particular job just because it is paying well will find it rather difficult to stay motivated. They have to push themselves to work every morning. Because of this lack of interest in the job, they make more errors and take longer to finish tasks. As a result, they have to stay late at office. The long working hours will eventually affect their health and family life. Take, for instance, the case of IT professionals. The IT industry pays well but the jobs are extremely stressful and demanding. Someone who chooses a job in this industry just because the salaries are good will eventually burn out unable to cope with the pressures of the job. On the flip side, rewarding jobs may not always pay well at the beginning. But over time, the worker’s enthusiasm and dedication will make the job a lucrative career option. For example, there are lots of people who turned their hobbies into successful career options. It was their love for the job that ultimately helped them. To conclude, job satisfaction is certainly more important than the money earned. If people love their job, eventually, they will also earn well
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose high paying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
. Others prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
they find satisfying even if the salary is low. While I admit that it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a living, in my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than the size of the pay package.

Job satisfaction increases productivity. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, no one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
force them to go to work. No one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
supervise them. They will perform their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
and with utmost interest and concentration. This interest that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
will
automatically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the results

and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them achieve more in less time.

By contrast,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who choose a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is paying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
will find it
rather
difficult to stay motivated. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
push themselves to work every morning.
Because of this
lack of interest in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more errors and take longer to finish tasks.
As a result
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
stay late at office. The long working hours will
eventually
affect their health and family life. Take,
for instance
, the case of IT professionals. The IT industry pays
Use a comma before ‘but’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
well
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are
extremely
stressful and demanding. Someone who chooses a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in this industry
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the salaries are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
will
eventually
burn out unable to cope with the pressures of the

job.

On the flip side, rewarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
may not always pay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
at the beginning.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
over time, the worker’s enthusiasm and dedication will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
a lucrative career option.
For example
, there are lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who turned their hobbies into successful career options. It was their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love


for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
that
ultimately
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
them.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction is
certainly
more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than the money earned. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
,
eventually
, they will
also
earn
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph.
well
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IELTS essay Some people think that job satisfaction is more important than job security, while some people think that they cannot always expect job satisfaction, a permanent job is more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
302 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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