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Some people think that job satisfaction is more important than job security, while some people think that they cannot always expect job satisfaction, a permanent job is more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people think that job satisfaction is more important than job security, while some people think that they cannot always expect job satisfaction, a permanent job is more important. v. 1
It’s considered by some that job satisfaction is more important than the security a job can offer, while others think that the permanence of a job is more important because amusement is not always possible to achieve. In my opinion, I believe that being satisfied with the at is the most essential thing, no matter whether the job length is or its requirements. On one hand, there’s a lot of people who think that their job has to provide them a sense of satisfaction and happiness rather than only security. A good example of these are those jobs where the people who works at have a passion for it so they don’t really mind any other aspect of the job, such as for example how much are they gonna job at it or even the money they are going to earn. They enjoy the job as long as they can work on it. On the other hand, however, for some people having a permanent job is more important instead of doing a job where they can really be satisfied. Firstly, because for most of the people job is only a way to have an income in order to be able to eat and live they feel more secure when they are working in a job they know they are going to stay at forever. Finally, in my opinion, I think that whether people work on a permanent job or a non-permanent one, satisfaction is the most vital think a person have to have in order to work properly. People who are happy with their job tend to work much better and are more effective than those who are in a permanent job but don’t like what they are doing. A good example for this are those who are volunteering in some undeveloped countries, where the satisfaction of helping others is much more important than the work security they have, as a consequence, they also work better. In conclusion, I think that for both types of people comfort should be the only thing to value in a workplace and other things such as the security a job produces or not shouldn’t be as important. If people working in any kind of workplace was fully happy and satisfied with their job, the efficiency of these would improve.
It’s considered by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfaction
is more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
can offer, while others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that the permanence of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
amusement is not always possible to achieve. In my opinion, I believe that
being satisfied
with the at is the most essential thing, no matter whether the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
length is or its requirements.

On one hand, there’s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
provide them a sense of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfaction
and happiness
rather
than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example of these are those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
Did you mean "work"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'people' should be used.
works
at have a passion for it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they don’t
really
mind any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
aspect of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, such as
for example
how much are they
The word 'gonna' is informal. Consider an alternative.
gonna
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
at it or even the money they are going to earn. They enjoy the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
as long as they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
on it.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
however
, for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
having a permanent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
instead
of doing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
where they can
really
be satisfied
.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
for most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a way to have an income in order to be able to eat and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
they feel more secure when they are working in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
they know they are going to stay at forever.

Finally
, in my opinion, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
on a permanent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
or a non-permanent one,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfaction
is the most vital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
a person
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
have in order to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
properly
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are happy with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
tend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
much better and are more effective than those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are in a permanent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
don’t like what they are doing. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example for this are those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are volunteering in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
undeveloped countries, where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfaction
of helping others is much more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
they have, as a consequence, they
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
better.

In conclusion
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that for both types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
comfort should be the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
thing to value in a workplace and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
things such as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
produces or not shouldn’t be as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
working in any kind of workplace was
fully
happy and satisfied with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, the efficiency of these would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
58Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Some people think that job satisfaction is more important than job security, while some people think that they cannot always expect job satisfaction, a permanent job is more important. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
385 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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