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Some people think that job satisfaction is more important than job security, while some people think that they cannot always expect job satisfaction, a permanent job is more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.5

Some people think that job satisfaction is more important than job security, while some people think that they cannot always expect job satisfaction, a permanent job is more important. v. 5
Some humans believe that being satisfied with the job you have is more crucial that job security, nevertheless others agree that career fulfilment cannot constantly be expected and having an enduring job is more meaningful. On one hand, possessing job satisfaction is paramount in order to ensure mental health, as well as, to succeed by doing something with enthusiasm. For example, if time goes by quickly, you are able to feel useful to society by doing something that pleasures and allows you to pay your bills you will keep your mind sane. Moreover, worrying about profession preservation also gives you the extra motivation to elevate your standards not to lose the job you love. On the other hand, job security is a key factor if someone or something is depending on you and you are in the urgent need for economic stability in your life. For instance, in case of having a family to support or having rent contracts on a house, people in these situations can not afford to lose their jobs, therefore, must priority job security. In my opinion, having both job satisfaction and job security as well is the ideal situation and I believe it is possible to achieve this connection. It is extremely necessary to find the perfect satisfying job and making the effort not to lose focus in order to get job security. Instead, disliking the job you go to on a daily basis can lead to a mental break down really hard to recover from.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
humans believe that
being satisfied
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
you have is more crucial that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
,
nevertheless
others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that career
Possible spelling mistake. 'fulfilment' is British English.
fulfilment
cannot
constantly
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
an enduring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is more meaningful.

On one hand, possessing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction is paramount in order to ensure mental health,
as well
as, to succeed by doing something with enthusiasm.
For example
, if time goes by
quickly
, you are able to feel useful to society by doing something that pleasures and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
you to pay your bills you will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
your mind sane.
Moreover
, worrying about profession preservation
also
gives you the extra motivation to elevate your standards not to lose the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
is a key factor if someone or something
The verb 'depending' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
is depending
on you and you are in the urgent need for economic stability in your life.
For instance
, in case of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a family to support or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
rent contracts on a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in these situations can not afford to lose their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
,
therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
priority
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
security.

In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
as well
is the ideal situation and I believe it is possible to achieve this connection. It is
extremely
necessary to find the perfect satisfying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and making the effort not to lose focus in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
.
Instead
, disliking the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
you go to on a daily basis can lead to a mental break down
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to recover from.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that job satisfaction is more important than job security, while some people think that they cannot always expect job satisfaction, a permanent job is more important. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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