Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people think that job satisfaction is more important than job security, while some people think that they cannot always expect job satisfaction, a permanent job is more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.4

Some people think that job satisfaction is more important than job security, while some people think that they cannot always expect job satisfaction, a permanent job is more important. v. 4
It is often argued that having a satisfied job is more considerable than its security, while others believe that securing a permanent profession is more vital. In my opinion, I believe that although a long term job fulfills the financial needs of a person, job satisfaction play a key role in healthy and productive life. On the one hand, having a permanent position overcomes the stress of financial condition. In other words, everyone have outstanding bills like rent, electricity and water bills, school fees and so on, if they have the job they can pay these expenses. This can lead to a stress free life and also can secure the present and future of a person. For an example, in order to apply for any types of loans, bank requires us to have a permanent job with strong economic condition get the loan approved. On the other hand, there are significant positive impacts of work contentment which must be considered. Firstly, it helps to keep a person mentally happy and healthy. This is because if a person works with more pleasure, the level of stress will be minimized. As a consequence, there will be less chance of having various diseases like heart problem and depression. Secondly, right mind set-up and physically fit people are more creative and productive for the company. Therefore, this will lead to a full-time job because companies are always looking for hard-working and productive staffs to achieve its goal. In conclusion, while job satisfaction can benefit for a healthy and fruitful life, they can also strengthen the financial condition. In my opinion, despite of maintaining a good economic status, it is more important to be healthy to achieve the goal.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that having a satisfied
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is more considerable than its security, while others believe that securing a permanent profession is more vital. In my opinion, I believe that although a long term
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
fulfills the financial needs of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction play a key role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
and productive life.

On the one hand, having a permanent position overcomes the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
of financial condition.
In other words
, everyone
The pronoun 'everyone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "has", "had".
have
outstanding bills like rent, electricity and water bills, school fees and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on, if they have the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
they can pay these expenses. This can lead to a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
free life and
also
can secure the present and future of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
. For an example, in order to apply for any types of loans, bank requires us to have a permanent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
with strong economic condition
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the loan approved.

On the other hand
, there are significant
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts of work contentment which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be considered
.
Firstly
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
mentally happy and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
works with more pleasure, the level of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
will
be minimized
. As a consequence, there will be less chance of having various diseases like heart problem and depression.
Secondly
, right mind set-up and
physically
fit
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are more creative and productive for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.
Therefore
, this will lead to a full-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are always looking for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-working and productive staffs to achieve its goal.

In conclusion
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction can benefit for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
and fruitful life, they can
also
strengthen the financial condition. In my opinion,
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
maintaining a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
economic status, it is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
to achieve the goal.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that job satisfaction is more important than job security, while some people think that they cannot always expect job satisfaction, a permanent job is more important. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts