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Some people think that it would be better for large companies and industries to move to regional areas outside large urban centers. Do you think advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v.1

Some people think that it would be better for large companies and industries to move to regional areas outside large urban centers. Do you think advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1
According to some people bigger companies and industrial sectors should be moved to the rural areas. In my opinion, the benefits of this proposition outnumber the drawbacks. One significant advantage of moving industries to regional areas is the significant decrease in air, water and noise pollution. In other words, companies and industries produce a lot of by-products as waste. Their proper disposal requires a lot of space which is not readily available in cities. So, if companies are situated in urban areas, they will not be able to treat the waste properly because of space constraints. This will cause pollution in the cities. Since population density in cities is very high, the pollution will affect a lot of people. Since rural areas are less populated, more free space is available there for treating industrial waste. In other words, moving industries to the countryside is a great way to reduce pollution. Nonetheless, there is a major drawback to moving industries and companies to the suburbs. Industries and companies give employment to many people around the area. If they shift to a farther location, it will lead to unemployment in cities. On the bright side, it will also encourage more people to move to the countryside. Another disadvantage of shifting industries to the suburbs is the decline in productivity because of the delay in getting raw materials. However, with proper planning, these problems can be resolved to a great extent. To conclude, there are definitely a few disadvantages to moving industries to the countryside – it may create unemployment in cities; however, in my opinion, this move will also make cities cleaner and less congested because it will encourage more people to move to the suburbs.
According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
bigger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
and industrial sectors should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
to the rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
. In my opinion, the benefits of this proposition outnumber the drawbacks.

One significant advantage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
moving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
to regional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
is the significant decrease in air, water and noise pollution.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
produce
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
by-products as waste. Their proper disposal requires
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
space which is not
readily
available in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
are situated
in urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
, they will not be able to treat the waste
properly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of space constraints. This will cause pollution in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
. Since population density in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high, the pollution will affect
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Since rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
are less populated, more free space is available there for treating industrial waste.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
moving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
to the countryside is a great way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
pollution.

Nonetheless, there is a major drawback to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
moving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
to the suburbs.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Industries
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
give employment to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
. If they shift to a farther location, it will lead to unemployment in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
. On the bright side, it will
also
encourage more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to the countryside. Another disadvantage of shifting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
to the suburbs is the decline in productivity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the delay in getting raw materials.
However
, with proper planning, these problems can
be resolved
to a great extent.

To conclude
, there are definitely a few disadvantages to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
moving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
to the countryside
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
it may create unemployment in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
;
however
, in my opinion, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
will
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
cleaner and less congested
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it will encourage more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to the suburbs.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS essay Some people think that it would be better for large companies and industries to move to regional areas outside large urban centers. Do you think advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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