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Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on children. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience v.4

Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on children. 4
Nowadays, technology has been developed fast and modernly, so more and more people use computer since they were kids. It's controversial that spending time on computer every day has more bad impacts on children than positive effect. In my opinion, I disagree with this statement that computer is harmful to children. In my essay, I will show the example to prove that. The argument in favour of the negative effects of using computer would be that some children are short-sighted and becoming addicted with computer since they were in kindergarten. It means that, a variety of children were allowed to use computer to watch video or play games and they spent a lot of time on it without taking a rest, so it is easy to get eye problems. However, in my mind, if parent restricts the time their children using a computer, it will become a good source to learn and entertain. With a computer, which is accessed to Internet, children can easily surf a lot of lectures and get useful information relevant to their study. For example, primary students can find many sample essays to learn. Moreover, when they are stressed, they can listen to music, watch some cartoon programs or even play a video game and then they can blow off the steam and relax after hard lessons. When they are full of energy, it is more simple to learn and do something. In conclusion, if children use a computer properly, it will take them more advantages than disadvantages and help them develop quickly.
Nowadays, technology has
been developed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
and
modernly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
more and more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
computer since they were kids. It's controversial that spending time on computer every day has more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
impacts on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect. In my opinion, I disagree with this statement that computer is harmful to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. In my essay, I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the example to prove that.

The argument in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects of using computer would be that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are short-sighted and becoming addicted with computer since they were in kindergarten. It means that, a variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
computer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
video or play
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
games and
they spent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time on it without taking a rest,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
eye problems.

However
, in my mind, if parent restricts the time their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
using a computer, it will become a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
source to learn and entertain. With a computer, which
is accessed
to Internet,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
easily
surf
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
lectures and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
useful information relevant to their study.
For example
, primary students can find
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
sample essays to learn.
Moreover
, when they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
, they can listen to music,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cartoon programs or even play a video
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
game and
then they can blow off the steam and relax after
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
lessons. When they are full of energy, it is more simple to learn and do something.

In conclusion
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
a computer
properly
, it will take them more advantages than disadvantages and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them develop
quickly
.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on children. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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