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Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.13

Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads. with this statement? v. 13
These days, most of the countries invest in transportation system which many passengers and commodities are transported through railways and roads. It is sometimes argued that trains should be given priority over cars. Such prioritizing, from my prospective, this essay will explore the importance of rail development compared to roads. First of all, the safety of passengers should be regarded as the first priority for the governments. As the statistics show, the number of road accidents is considerably more than the number of accidents which occur on the railways. Road accidents are one of the three main factors causes of death in Iran. For example, only in Iran every year, almost twenty thousand people are killed in road accidents. However, the fatalities in railways are less than fifty persons per year in the same country so rail transportation system plays an essential role. Secondly, using trains instead of private cars or public buses could reduce air pollution. Countries have developed railway system to encourage people use it which caused the rate of air pollution decreased by twenty percent. In addition, there are serious problems with the use of personal cars such as increased pollution, not only in the capital cities, but in most major cities in the world. In conclusion, it is assumed that rail is the most suitable option for transportation and governments are advised to put priority over railways than roads as it would improve travel safeties and would positively contribute to environmental problems.
These days, most of the countries invest in transportation system which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
passengers and commodities
are transported
through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railways
and roads.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
argued that trains should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
priority over cars. Such prioritizing, from my prospective, this essay will explore the importance of rail development compared to roads.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the safety of passengers should
be regarded
as the
first
priority for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
. As the statistics
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accidents
is
considerably
more than the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accidents
which occur on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railways
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Road
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accidents
are one of the three main factors causes of death in Iran.
For example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in Iran every year, almost twenty thousand
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are killed
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accidents
.
However
, the fatalities in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railways
are less than fifty persons per year in the same country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
rail transportation system plays an essential role.

Secondly
, using trains
instead
of private cars or public buses could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
air pollution. Countries have developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railway
system to encourage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it which caused the rate of air pollution decreased by twenty percent.
In addition
, there are serious problems with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of personal cars such as increased pollution, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in the capital cities,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in most major cities in the world.

In conclusion
, it
is assumed
that rail is the most suitable option for transportation and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
are advised
to put priority over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railways
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
as it would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
travel safeties and would
positively
contribute to environmental problems.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads. with this statement? v. 13

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
246 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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