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In some countries children have very strict rules of behavior, in other countries they are allowed to do almost anything they want. To what extent should children have to follow rules. v.1

In some countries children have very strict rules of behavior, in other countries they are allowed to do almost anything they want. v. 1
It is an irrefutable fact that different countries have different rules of children's behaviour. In some countries like The USA, Canada, and India have stringent rules of children's attitude. In some nations such as Uganda, Bolivia and Namibia, children are allowed to do whatever they want. In the subsequent paragraphs I shall discuss the advantages and serious drawbacks of having harsh rules on the children. Firstly, tough rules imposed by parents on their descendents make them responsible and respectable in the society. Some children may not listen to their parents. This particularly happens in the families who are having one and only one child because of their unconditional love of their child. In that scenario parents must establish tough rules to make their child's attitude proper. Secondly, if children do not follow rules, they may get out of the parents and work-shy. For suppose if they get out of the parents then definitely spoil their career and may become a burden to the society. If they become work-shy they cannot survive in the competitive world. On the other hand, Imposing harsh rules on children does not always yield on positive behaviour. For example, teenagers always want to be a free bird and want to do everything by their own. By imposing tight rules, they become them more rigid. So they should be properly guided in a way to build their character. Imposing strict rules may destroy the individuality of the child. Finally, at the end of the day, children should also have their rights to exercise their free will and build their own pattern of behaviours.
It is an irrefutable fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
of children's
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries like The USA, Canada, and India have stringent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
of children's attitude. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
nations such as Uganda, Bolivia and Namibia,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to do whatever they want.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
the subsequent paragraphs I shall discuss the advantages and serious drawbacks of having harsh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
on the children.

Firstly
, tough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
imposed by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
on their
Possible spelling mistake found.
descendents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them responsible and respectable in the society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may not listen to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. This
particularly
happens in the families who are having one and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one child
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their unconditional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
of their child. In that scenario
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
establish tough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their child's attitude proper.

Secondly
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do not follow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
, they may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
out of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and work-shy.

For suppose if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
out of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
then definitely spoil their career and may become a burden to the society.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
they become work-shy they cannot survive in the competitive world.

On the other hand
, Imposing harsh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
does not always yield on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.
For example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
always want to be a free bird and want to do everything by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. By imposing tight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
, they become them more rigid.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they should be
properly
guided in a way to build their character. Imposing strict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
the individuality of the child.

Finally
, at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the day,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
also
have their rights to exercise their free will and build their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
pattern of
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages know nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay In some countries children have very strict rules of behavior, in other countries they are allowed to do almost anything they want. v. 1

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
266 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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