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Some people think that it will better for the large companies and industries to move to regional areas outside large urban centers. Do the advantages outweigh disadvantages? v.1

Some people think that it will better for the large companies and industries to move to regional areas outside large urban centers. Do the advantages outweigh disadvantages? v. 1
Many people argue that while selecting any job priority must be given to salaries, while others argue that job satisfaction should behold important, instead. Job satisfaction is the factor which brings meaning to life while salaries can enable individual to have the improved standard of living. On the one hand, People who feel job satisfaction finds their jobs more useful and well regarded in society. This means that these people have the sense of responsibility which is valued by people in society and they feel good when they are able to cater to the needs of society. For Example, in the profession of medicine, doctors are generally well respected in society and they are well appreciated for curing the suffering of people, this helps them to feel worthy of investing their time in their profession. On the other hand, individuals who consider their pay checks of higher importance are not in the profession where they get direct feedback from the user of their services/products. This implies that these users do not know their customers and the benefits they are providing to the end users and similarly their end users cannot appreciate them directly. As a result, to feel the sense of achievement these people are focused towards living standards and materialistic things, which they can buy with money. For Instance, Mostly software developers, buy costly devices like apple watch, fitness gadgets and luxurious cars and are focused on pay checks. In conclusion, While Job satisfaction comes from factors, where there is direct interaction between service providers and receiver, earnings are indirect appreciation which reflects in the accounts of the individual.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that while selecting any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
priority
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to salaries, while others argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfaction
should behold
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
,
instead
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfaction
is the factor which brings meaning to life while salaries can enable individual to have the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
standard of living.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfaction
finds their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
more useful and well regarded in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. This means that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have the sense of responsibility which
is valued
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
society and
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
when they are able to cater to the needs of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
For Example
, in the profession of medicine, doctors are
generally
well respected in
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
society and
they are well appreciated for curing the suffering of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
worthy of investing their time in their profession.

On the other hand
, individuals who consider their pay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
checks
of higher importance are not in the profession where they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
direct feedback from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
user
of their services/products.
This implies that
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
do not know their customers and the benefits they are providing to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
and
similarly
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
cannot appreciate them
directly
.
As a result
, to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
the sense of achievement these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are focused
towards living standards and materialistic things, which they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
with money.
For Instance
,
Mostly
software developers,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
costly devices like apple
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
, fitness gadgets and luxurious cars and
are focused
on pay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
checks
.

In conclusion
, While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfaction
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from factors, where there is direct interaction between service providers and receiver, earnings are indirect appreciation which reflects in the accounts of the individual.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that it will better for the large companies and industries to move to regional areas outside large urban centers. Do the advantages outweigh disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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